Welcome to the South Asian Dating Blog

So, if you are not a friend of mine supporting my randomness & therefore having to read this blog, here's a little info about me... I'm about 2 minutes (ok, 18 days) from turning the big 3-0 & I've been pretty pumped about it for some time now.  Pretty much since March of this year, I started saying I was 30, & I've actually been weird about my age - always living in the year ahead - ever since I turned 25 (I have no idea what that's all about - excitement over the year ahead maybe?).  I've heard of horror stories though about the big 3-0, so my cheery disposition might take a turn for the worse the day of or a few days after all the "Happy Birthdays!" have subsided; I'm hoping not!

As for my life, I'm happy with how things are going right now (knock on wood, touch glass or whatever you are supposed to do keep away the never-wanted "nazar" my mom always warns me about); I have a job, wonderful friends & family, a great apartment in downtown Chicago, & a pretty happening social life (that could all change - in addition to me becoming morbidly obese - if I decide to get ZeeTV so I'm stilling mulling that over :-P).  All-in-all things are good except that i NEVER in a BAZILLION years thought I'd still be so single at 30.  Even though I got on one of the Indian dating websites at the encouragement of my parents around 23/24-ish, I remember not at all being ready to consider marriage from 21-25; I thought it was just be easy-schmeezy & would happen the minute I was ready... 26!  4 years have passed & one real relationship (w/ a non-desi guy), 2 maybe-somethings later, & more than enough "Eh? What the.... just happened/is happening??" situations, here I am - single & free to mingle.

I know I'm not alone with feeling like "Oh wow, I'm however old & I'm not married/ not dating someone/ there's no one I even like!" & I saw that my frustrations were shared by almost 900 desi people at the recent NetIP conference in Toronto.  Sure it's called a "networking" conference (none of us would go if they called it a "Singles Weeeknd"), & yes, there were great speakers & suuuure, we maybe even "networked," but 99.4% of the people who attended were single & most were there in hopes of possibly meeting someone.  For the most part & from what I could tell, people were not there for random hook-ups, but to meet someone with whom a real something could possibly develop.

At the conference, one of the keynote speakers was someone I'd never heard of before... Vijay Uncle.  I'd heard from friends who'd been to previous conferences that he was "famous" in the NetIP world, that this was his 4th conference & that I would love him & his speech.  They were right.  Vijay Uncle basically called all of us out on being ridiculous in how we approach dating, our "deal breakers", marriage & even divorce.  He said that most of us get so caught up in the "wow" & fun feeling of how good it all feels NOW & completely superficial things that we never ask "40-year interview"-type questions.  We therefore don't know what we're really getting into & hence, so many divorces... Uncle said that when you find this person, make sure they are the right person in character b/c they will be everything to you for your long & often less-than-perfect life... "your lover, co-parent, co-finance manager, co-partner in poor health, co-manager of aging parents, etc."

From the time his speech was done until 7 am the next morning, Uncle met with individuals or groups of people giving them personal counseling.  Mind you, Uncle is not trained as a matchmaker/counselor; he is actually a retired surgeon.  However, he is more knowledgeable than all of us combined when it comes to everything related to our generation's dating woes & more than anything, he will tell it to you like it really is.  For example, several people were talking to Uncle after his speech & I was there listening in.  One girl stated that "no matter what, guys aren't willing to commit" & Uncle quickly responded "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free??" (I'm sure giving away the "milk" will come up in future blogs :-P)

Uncle has 2 missions in life (for now):  1)  To raise awareness & get as many South Asians registered as possible in the Bone Marrow registry (if you aren't registered, you must - see below) & 2)  To turn around current "delay of marriage/ hence delay of babies" situation around.  He is currently in the process of creating a new dating-that-results-in-marriage program called "InfraRed dating;" myself & several other people who attended the conference are helping him in his efforts.  So whereas Uncle's program will be about getting people together & making the whole process of getting to know someone more transparent, less complicated, hopefully less superficial & game-free, my goal is to have a place where we can all talk about what's going right, what's going wrong, & anything in between.

For those of you wonder why I am bothering or who think I'm weird/crazy/both for doing this, I'll explain... I've always been a very introspective & empathetic person who is pretty darn good at giving advice (of course, not taking my own) & making people who are in any kind of funk feel better (when I'm in one myself, I'm useless :-P).  I also love to write.  I'm far from an expert on anything or an exceptional writer (just a really animated one), so a book was never an option, but I knew that my friends - male & female alike - had a lot to say about being South Asian & dating, and once I met Vijay Uncle, this blog became a natural way to hopefully support his efforts & get a good conversation going on.

I hope people use this blog to share dating horror, hopeful & success stories (we can all learn something from the good, the bad & the ugly) & that both guys & girls post.  Your real names & pictures are not required, but if you feel like being brave, go for it. You all know who I am, but whenever I'm talking about a "friend of mine" you are welcome to wonder if it's a personal story or not (you know just incase mummy-daddy somehow get a wind of this!)  Please definitely don't post any stories with anyone else's real names - that would uncool, and let's also try to keep it as pleasant as humanly possible.  Sure, there is naturally going to be some "guys always this & girls always that," stereotyping & hateration from time-to-time, but please kindly refrain from being nasty or attacking anyone on this blog (especially yours truly - I'm very sensitive!)

Ok, well more to come & don't worry, future posts will be shorter!  Maybe. =P

Excited to see where - if anywhere - this goes...

~ SmileMoon :)

p.s. - To learn more about Vijays Uncle's mission, add him as a friend on Facebook (VijayUncle Mehta) or go to www.vijayuncle.com.  For the Bone Marrow Registry, visit www.marrow.org or www.samarinfo.org.  As Uncle poignantly put it, you might not be so inclined to register now, but flash forward 10 years & there's a baby sitting in your lap.  Its yours & he/she is in need of a transplant.  Right then, you will wish that everyone was registered, but it will be too late :*(