Sometimes, I wish I was in the motherland...

Although I will likely be perceived as "backwards, not with the times, old school" or something along those lines, the other day I was having a conversation with my dad about the whole not-being-married sitchu & I told him (in all seriousness), that "it's great to be in America... I appreciate all he did to get here, & I feel blessed for the life that I have.  However, I often feel like I was meant to be raised in India not only because I'm a fob (a big one!) at heart, but at the end of the day in spite of all the opportunities, success & lifestyle, my big goal in life has always been to have a happy family life - not become CEO of a company, a manager to many or anything particular when it comes to professional success (don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that & I do appreciate my job & my career, but it's far from my personal end-all-be-all).  & Although some would say otherwise & sure, scientifically I agree, but socially (& I believe for a million other reasons) to have kids in that "happy family", I need to be married.

I seriously think it's something that parents from the motherland should consider before choosing to come over & settle their families here.  Sure, their kids will likely have tremendous success when it comes to education & their careers, but they should be prepared for the fact that getting married is nothing like it is over there & that their children will likely endure several failed relationships, & when they do finally get married, it will most probably be way later in life & in some cases, not at all.  & Then, even though they won't because our parents certainly aren't blaming themselves, they should take some personal responsibility that they had a hand in the delay.  As for the "not at all," that's not me being negative, but realistic; as time passes - due to our own choosing or just not finding someone - the pool becomes smaller & smaller & naturally, some of us will be left solo for the rest of our lives.  & I know that's not necessarily the worst thing & someone will be angry at me for implying anything of the sort, but I can just say personally that that's not what I want for myself.

That's why when I visit India & see that even my most educated & successful cousins/nephews/nieces (you know in India, it's totally normal to have nephews/nieces who are your age or older! :-P) are all married (& most with babies) by their mid-20s, I can't help but feel a pang of "oh man, I wish life was like this stateside."  Everyone in India is looking for financial success so that it affords them security (& sure some "name, fame, etc."), but here something else is going on; we are more on the path of looking to have 4 degrees & rule the world (a gross exaggeration but you know what I mean).  In India, a girl completing her medical degree (I understand the process isn't as convoluted or long as it is here), a guy who is moving up the professional ladder, essentially anyone, will still have marriage & settling down as a top priority.

It's funny because ever since my first trip back to India after 10 years when I was 23, I have made a few more trips....  From that first trip to the most recent one, there was extreme shock in my family that I was not married & did not have any potential suitors.  They told me they could easily find me someone there... Err... I probably should've taken them up on it! Just kidding, I could never (however, I know more than a handful of guys who have easily gone this route - to be discussed later).  I've even had my young 15-year old nephews send me e-mails like "Dear Bua, kya aapki shaadi abhi thak nahin hui? (forgive my spelling), but that translates to "Dear Bua, (omigod) are you still not married yet....?" & other cousins call me & tell me that "I really should settle down" (ok, as if this is something I'm choosing to not do :-P)  At this point, if I visit India before I'm married it will be for a tour-de-India & not to see the fam; with turning 30, I couldn't take the horror they would feel & express over still not being married.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, in America, it's pretty much taboo to say that you "want to be married."  Well, if you're a girl that is & if you're a guy it's all "aweee, how sweet" & such.  In India, no one would blink if a guy or girl in their early-to-mid 20's said that they wanted to be married & have kids."  No one would go running.  No one would be called a "psycho."  It's not okay to say you want to get married or have kids, but then when you are & do, it's like you perceive (& so does the whole community) that you have just accomplished the greatest thing in life - it's all kinds of messed & mixed up if you ask me....

Well, that's all from me for today, but I'd love to hear what people think or if anyone wants to start a new post for discussion, that'd be great!

~ SmileMoon :)