If you have a pair of breasts or care about someone who does...

I really mulled over using "boobs" instead b/c I think that's the term people use more often, but I thought I'd keep it as clinical as possible.  I imagine that because I (omg) said "breasts!" this will likely be my posting with the highest readership to date; however, I hope that people came here because you qualified under the subject as either having a pair or caring about someone who does (fellas, I know you don't want to think about the anatomy of anyone other than females of the opposite sex that you are attracted to or in a relationship with, but bear with me for a second as I break it to you that other people who fall into this category include your mom, aunts, sisters, cousins, friends, female co-workers, etc.).


There is nothing original about me writing this post since we all know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, but I'm writing because breast cancer - or actually, anything considered as being "unwell" by the desi community - is not really talked about and as a result, there is so much general unawareness in our community about so many things that are health-related.   Naturally, when someone goes through something like cancer, they do not wish to broadcast what they are going through due to wanting privacy and also not wanting people to feel bad for them (I hate sympathy just as much as the next person).  However, in the South Asian community, you'll often hear odd things about not wanting the ill-wishes ("badhua") of people or concern over how people will perceive that person once they are recovered as if now, a person who is now completely fine, is somehow damaged goods.  You'll also find South Asians knocking on or "touching" wood because they are so fearful that if they talk about someone else going through something, they risk having to experience the same.


I am also writing this because this topic is very near and dear to me for 2 main reasons.  The #1 reason is that too many people that I know (or wish I had a chance to know) directly or indirectly have either battled against breast cancer or after having put up the bravest of fights, sadly passed well before their time.  On a side note, although this post is dedicated to breast cancer - one of the most "popular" of all cancers, ever since it became associated to the pretty pink ribbon and got a whole month dedicated to in which all kinds of awesome stuff raising funds for the cause is sold - the general issue is that South Asians (in spite of our supposedly being so darn smart) are not in the know about so many serious health issues including all cancers that don't have their own dedicated awareness months.


Now before getting into reason #2, I wanted to let you know that from here on out, although I'll definitely be blogging about my personal experiences, I will also be blogging about the experiences of "friends of mine" or "people I know."  Friends and people that I know, please don't panic, because unless I have your permission, I definitely won't be using your names, and if it's a story that common friends would know is your's (with or w/out names), I also won't be writing it w/out your permission.  Readers who don't know me well are likely and welcome to assume that when I am writing about a risque topic, I am talking about myself using a "friend of mine" as a cover.  It may even be true from time to time, but I would hope that most people who know me or at least care to know me, do not jump to the conclusion that I have experienced or am experiencing everything - from breast cancer, coronary artery disease, AIDs, every dating horror story under the sun & more - that I plan on talking about.  Many people have written to me asking me to share their stories, and before doing so, I plan on running whatever I am writing by them to make sure I've not only depicted their experience correctly, but don't said anything that - irrespective of no one knowing who they are - they wouldn't want me to say.


So, back to reason #2... an Indian friend of mine, whose Mom had done had a fantastic of job of educating her about sexual health at a young age (news flash to all desi people, "sexual health" does not mean that you are necessarily sexually active, but once your reproductive organs kick into gear - usually in your early teens - your sexual health has officially begun), took her to her first OB-GYN appointment at the then-recommended age of 18 (I believe present day guidelines say 21).  At that visit, my friend (let's call her "F") learned how to do a self-breast exam and immediately started doing them on a monthly basis as her doctor had recommended.  


Well, to her surprise, at 19, F actually stumbled across something.  Naturally, she was scared, but was reassured by her doctor that it was likely a benign fibroid (http://www.ehow.com/how_2061063_cope-breast-fibroids.html), which is very common in women under 30 and usually not cancerous, so he said they would continue to monitor it.  Although she felt relieved, she stopped doing the self-checks.  Three years later, the week before her 22nd b-day, she went in for her annual follow up exam and the doctor found another - but this time, bigger - "something" (I believe the word of doom is "lump"), so he said that it would now be best just to take whatever they were, out.  Naturally, she imagined her whole life flashing before her eyes and considering her young age, all of the things she was fearful she'd never get to do.  


Thankfully, it was just benign fibroids as the doctor had predicted and F was given a clean bill of health; since then, she routinely does monthly breast exams and sees her OB-Gyn for annual exams.  I wanted to share this particular story because I believe that too many South Asians operate in a state of ignorance when it comes to their health preferring to be blissfully unaware instead; I cannot tell you how many times I have died a little whenever I hear of a late 20-something, early 30-something South Asian female who has never been to the OB-gyn (sorry, let me clarify - specifically never had a Pap smear).  


Their reasons are earnest and plentiful... because they weren't/aren't that active, had only one partner, they were scared to, their parents didn't let them, and so on.  Ladies, I will talk about this again, but whether you have had a lifetime of heavenly cramp-free periods and you've never even held hands with a boy, the fact that you are a female, who has a menstrual cycle and are of a certain age, qualifies you to have your lady parts checked out.  & speaking of parents...  it's not their fault because they didn't know any better and grew up in a completely different world than we did, but the majority of our mostly-arranged-marriage-parents, who called having your period being "down" & found ways to give it a bad connotation by not allowing you to go to temple or pujas at that time of the month (thank goodness my parents didn't do this b/c they understood that God gave me that time of the month!), turned everything into acts of "shame shame" & assumed that b/c their kids were acche bache who were good in school, they were not having in-line experiences as their peers, did not have conversations about any thing related to sexual health whether it was about the birds and the bees, routine check-ups or dating.


Anyway, like usual, I digress, but I want to come back to the reason I was writing - your BOOBS (there, I said it)/someone else's that you care about and getting in the know about them!  If you're an older sister/cousin to a younger sister/cousin, have a conversation with her about doing self-checks or about things she might be experiencing with dating... if you are a parent reading this, commit to having conversations (or get people you trust to) with your kids about topics that make you wildly uncomfortable or that you prefer to be in denial about... if you're a husband/boyfriend, ask your boo boo the last time she went for her Pap or if she's doing routine monthly self-breast exams.


Being the smart South Asians that we are, even though we prefer not to think or talk about these topics, we should keep in mind, that God forbid we or someone we knew was to be diagnosed with something like breast cancer, the sooner it is discovered, the less invasive treatment is likely to be and the more likely that a full recovery would be made versus being diagnosed with it at a much later stage.


For those of you who read on the regular, thank you for enduring my randomness, and for those of you who made a first time visit, thank you for stopping by!


Write soon ~ Smile Moon :)


“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Indian Hospitality and the kindness of many...

Anyone who has visited India knows this, and for anyone who has ever considered visiting, this should motivate you to visit... the way Indian people (& especially in India) treat visitors/their guests is the most amazing thing ever.  They also don't like being thanked for anything they do (I am forever being told I am "too formal!"), so if the people that I am so thankful for are reading this, they're going to scold me for it later, but I can't help myself!

When I first decided that I was going to come to Mumbai, in addition to all the excitement, I had massive anxiety because in all my previous trips, I had stayed with family whereas in Mumbai, other than my new couple friends from my last trip in March and the younger brother of one of my closest friends, I really knew no one.  Thankfully, the universe was on my side in connecting me to people who would help me have the courage to not just think about going but to actually go as well as the most wonderful people in the motherland.

For example, the very day I decided to go to Mumbai, I got a Facebook friend request from someone I personally wasn't familiar with, but was connected to tons of my friends, so I accepted the request.  As with any new FB friend addition, I scoped out his profile and saw the kind of work he was involved in.  Right then, I decided to adopt a "no shame, no gain" attitude, reached out to him, overshared my random plans and asked if he wouldn't mind connecting with me.  The next day, we ended up speaking for an hour and a half; the call was originally scheduled for for 30 minutes (he rescheduled a meeting mid-call).  Learning about his work and his life was incredibly inspirational, and I was blown away that someone who I'd normally put in a whole other realm than me (you know, because othey were big and important) was so supportive and willing to help me with my efforts.  On a side note, during the call, he also revealed that he'd accidentally requested me as a friend because he thought I was another Smile Moon!  As we continued to connect almost every week thereafter, I thanked my stars for his lil' blooper and hoped that he eventually found his real SM-friend.

From that moment on, I basically reached out to everyone and anyone I could think of who might have some connection to Mumbai or know someone who might.  It was no shock to me that my close friends did everything they could to help me, but I was completely blown away by the willingness of people - most of whom I hadn't seen in years (many who were friends from my undergrad days & hadn't seen or even spoken to in close to a decade - my god, I graduated from college almost a decade ago...) and even completely random people who I would never have though would have even responded to me.

What blew me away even more was some of the people - again, the really big and important type - who these friends were willing to connect me to.  Very quickly my attitude transformed from one of not only "no shame, no gain" but if you don't ask, you shall never receive and more than anything, people are kind. 

& after my first few days in Mumbai, I can say that people are not only kind, but that they are amazingly generous.  From my now-very good friend (who almost 2 weeks ago was essentially a stranger) who picked me up from the airport and since then has talked to my frantic mom several times on the phone (if she doesn't hear from every day and within a certain amount of time, she calls him!), driven absurd lengths to get me from one place to another and gone out of his way to introduce me to people and make sure I have the true Mumbai experience to the family friends (who I had just met briefly a few months ago at my best friend's wedding) and have gone above and beyond to have me stay at their guest house, make every arrangement to ensure that I am comfortable, make every one of their personal resources available to me, I am completely taken aback by all of it.  & of course, in true SM-style, I'm feeling terribly guilty about all this kindness I'll never be able to repay.

Since all I can do is be grateful, from the bottom of my heart, I really want to thank everyone - family, friends, acquaintances & complete strangers - who have helped me with everything from giving me advice, networking for in-Mumbai opportunities/friends, helping with arrangements, playing devil's advocate and moral support.  & to my new in-Mumbai friends thank you for so warmly welcoming me to your city; I have no idea how this experience is going to play out, but I do know that I have made some friends for life in all of you. It's only been 2 weeks, but I have already had some of the best conversations, eaten the most amazing food, and had some of my most fun times (one of my fave fun times was our Anthaakshari car ride!) ever in this short amount of time.

K, well that's it on that.  Going forward, I will definitely blog about my in-India experiences, but I also want to start the discussion on South Asian dating again.  I figured I'd start with taking a poll, and please know that although I am seeking the opinion of many, I'm the go-with-my-gut and do-what-I-want-type, so please don't be surprised if I choose to do exactly the opposite of what the majority says.

POLL QUESTION (Answer to the right - above "Blog Archive"):


While in India, should my family place a matrimonial ad for me? (not with the intention of me meeting a guy settled here, but an Indian guy settled in the US - US citizen or not)  

** If you personally have placed an ad or know someone who has & have any stories - good or bad - to share about the experience, I'd appreciate it, and please check out the comments to see a previous comment from a reader about their experience with the newspaper route **


Thanks & write soon ~ SmileMoon :)

Question #2 - What will I be doing in the motherland?

hey everyone, i hope things are going well.  i'm taking a breather from my pre-india prep to answer the 2nd question from my last post.  as you can see though, i've resorted to all lower case in an effort to save a few seconds.  i have 4 days left to get everything done before i leave, and to say that i'm feeling "aaahhhhh, so much to do, so little time! aaaahhhh!!" would be a huge understatement.


so... what will i be doing for the 6 months that i'm in india?  that's a good question, and i can honestly say that i made my decision with very little thinking, zero plan in mind (other than "go and do something"), and complete disregard for what the "outcome" will be after the 6 months.  i say "outcome" because i've come to understand that if you are unable to look into your crystal ball for life and tell people (especially those who are south asian) what you are looking to accomplish "at the end of all of it," (whether it be a 6 month trip or your whole life) it almost makes them uncomfortable; if nothing else, it at least leaves them to think of you as a desi girl who has perhaps lost her mind.


*sigh,* perhaps i have, but i guess we'll determine that "at the end of all of it."

what i know for sure - and this might be reckless or unwise considering that when i come back from this trip  it will have been almost a year and a half since i got laid off which could bode unfavorably on my resume and i'll have aged further into my 30's which equates to major minus points when looking for your south asian jeevan saathi (life partner) - is that i am going to india for a life experience.  that, instead of waiting here for the perfect job, guy, and the remainder of my life to play out as i'd originally dreamt it would, it is better to have the whole "rest of my life" be a big question mark and just travel this new path one day at a time seeing where the journey takes me.

as much as i'm not living in the future, since my original decision to simply go to india and live there for 6 months, i have figured out what i want to do when i get there.  this is a loose plan, so please don't hold me to it.  since my entire professional background has been in sales & sales management for the past 10 years (pharma & the beauty industry in case anyone was wondering), i am looking to have some experiences outside of sales and in 2 areas that i've always been interested in, so... i have one internship set at an advertising firm and am hoping to arrange one more marketing internship.

i also know for sure that at the end of my trip, i will be volunteering at an orphanage & home for destitute women in vrindavan (www.vatsalyagram.org); i met the leader of vatsalya gram, Didi Maa, on her recent trip here, and i was completely mesmerized by her whole persona and the work she is doing.  since i love bache (kids) & vice-versa (if you aren't friends with me on FB, i am the ultimate "auntie!"), i cannot wait for this experience.  if i can arrange for one more in-mumbai volunteering experience (after seeing "slumdog millionaire," i really want to see what that's all about), that would be amazing.

oh & one more thing, for those of you who read my post called, down with my south asian dating blog, i will also be completing the last part of the landmark curriculum in mumbai; i have no idea what i'm getting myself into doing the course there, but i figured that if nothing else i get to meet at least a hundred (if not much more considering that it is india!) like-minded people 12 days in to my trip.

other than that, what i plan on doing is blogging about my experiences and living it up like i've never lived it up before.  i'm excited for all the sounds, sights & smells of my beloved india and to have all my new e-friends (people that i've been connected to through friends) turn into real friends, and i'm nervous for things like having to be fashionable (yours truly wears flip flops - like the $6 kind that you get from forever 21 that people in india would balk at and call "bathroom chapal" - non-stop all summer), getting from one place to another (i'm wishing myself lots of "om shanti om" for traffic) & every now and then, i have a flash of anxiety at how this - this more being my life than my trip - will "turn out."  i know that feeling is a deeply rooted script that says that there is "a way" that it looks like when it does turn out, so i acknowledge that feeling and quickly move on to the next one... being SOOOO EXCITEDDDDDD & "Aaaahhhh so much to do, so little time!!!!"

before i go, although i plan on having a whole post dedicated to them because the kindness of friends, long lost contacts and complete strangers has completely blown me away, in the meantime... from the bottom of my heart, i'd like to give a thousand thank you's to the at least 100+ people - family, friends, friends of family & friends and so many of my readers - who have been so amazingly supportive of me going on this journey and gone above and beyond to make it the experience i'm hoping to have while i'm there.

ok, back to getting things done.  write soon (from my new time zone!) ~ smile moon :)

Sorry for the quotes overload, but I heart me some good quotes (thanks to fellow kindred spirit, SV, for posting the latter two)!

It is not where you stand, but in what direction you are moving.  Sometimes we sail with the wind, sometimes we sail against it; but sail we must, and not drift, nor lie at anchor. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Make divine choices. This is a matter of refusing to make a choice based upon the expectations of others. Instead, you decide to act in ways consistent with your purpose & who you really are. - Dick Sutphen

What you’ve done becomes the judge of what you’re going to do...especially in other people’s minds. When you’re traveling, you are what you are right there & then. People don’t have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road. - William Least Heat Moon