Creepy Guy Stare

So, I had addressed this in one of the posts that I deleted & I know that I'll get some hateration my way, but I usually call this "Creepy Indian Guy Stare."  However, I know this is not a desi-specific thing... There's my disclaimer & now I begin on "Creepy Staring..."  :-D

So, what the bleep is up with Creepy-starers...?!?!  I mean, reeeeally....  I can't think of anything more repulsive than being stared at with big creepy "I want to you eat you for dinner" eyes on a  blank expressionless face (well, there is being howled at from a car passing you by or having inappropriate things said to you as walk down the street, but today we're just talking about the staring).  Recently, I experienced this twice in one night & I wanted to... 1)  Punch Creepy Starer in the face  2)  Puke my brains out.  The first time that night, I was out at Vertigo (a lounge in Chicago) with my bff, our common family friend couple & some of their friends.  Well, this one gunda-ish looking guy kept awkwardly planting himself within 3 feet of us right near the small circle we were talking in & just stared in our direction.  Then he started this annoying move where (although there was more than enough space to maneuver around us), he tried to get past us by randomly touching the small of our backs (voooomit) as he moved past us.  He did this to both of us at least twice & finally my friend goes "why do you keep touching me?!"  Love her.

Well, then the 2 of us went for a late nite bite at Bijon.  I wish I could draw you a diagram of how we were sitting but basically my bff was looking in the direction of the main restaurant & I was sitting right next to her & across the way from me was a table with a few Indian guys.  Every time I'd talk to my friend, I'd catch this majorly Creepy Indian Guy (CIG) staring at me & I'm not talking about a glance & then a quick look away.  I'd be talking to my friend & I'd see him in my peripheral vision JUST STARING for 30-40 seconds at a time.  I finally complained to my bff & told her to look over just as he was mid-stare; she, being just the most does-not-tolerate-BS person ever, yelled "STOP STARING!"  CIG then pointed to his ears & up above pretending not to be able to hear her (mind you, half the restaurant heard) & then the staring stopped.

First off, I'm inspired by my friend to call people out on their absurd behavior; my natural tendency is to get annoyed by things but to ignore them, but maybe if we all actually started calling out bad behavior more often, it might actually stop or change (that comes to momentary bad behavior from strangers & the stuff that people unncessarily put up with in relationships).  I won't try to figure out the why behind the awkward staring (possibly a repressed childhood, non-exposure to the opposite sex until a very late age, & a slew of other reasons), but guys, if you really want to get our attention (& not freak us out completely & force us to write blog postings called "Creepy Guy Stare"), I highly recommend Tara Banks' technique of "smeye-zing" - smiling with your eyes. Definitely feel free to smile with your mouth too, but just look - better yet, BE - pleasant & friendly.

& to the next guy that creepily stares, says something offensive to me, or anything that I deem as non-gentleman-like behavior, brace yourself because SmileMoon is going to have a word or two to say you.  Ok, maybe not, but I will sure try. :-P

Write Soon ~ SmileMoon :)

Random Health Tidbits - Coronary Heart Disease

So, for those of you know me well, you know that I am obsessed with everything related to nutrition, fitness & general health (that by no means I'm the walking manifestation of that obsession - I haven't worked out in 2 weeks & I ate all kinds of inappropriate things at 10:30 last nite...).  I'm also hell bent on spreading the word on the information that I think is important.  So... although it will have absolutely nothing to do with South Asian Dating, every now & then I'm going to share some health info with you... as always, read what you like & skip what you don't...

Why am I starting with Coronary Heart Disease (CHD)...? Well, in the past 2-3 years, I have known 4 mid-30 something South Asian males who passed away from a sudden heart attack & one who survived a massive coronary episode & is now struggling with recovery. These were 5 seemingly healthy, non-overweight, active young men in the prime of their lives..... (side note - I knew these men either directly or through one degree of separation; 2 of them were physicians).

We all know of Uncles & Aunties or our own relatives who have had challenges with CHD... whether it be heart attacks, stroke, artery blockage, bypass surgeries, etc... We think that we are more in the know, are way healthier than them & that these things won't happen to us or that they are problems we will deal with way off in the future (actually, most of us don't give any of this stuff any thought at all).  That all might be true, but remember those five young men...  Being overweight or unhealthy is not purely aesthetic which is the part we focus on the most; it's serious & scary stuff.  Also, being seemingly slim (or as I like to call myself a "fat skinny person") & Indian is apparently not a great combination either; we need to be more proactive & plugged into our risk factors.

Anyway, long story short (& I know, I'm no good at that either), if you don't feel like reading the clinical article (link below) from Dr. Enas Enas - an expert in Cardiology & specifically on Coronary Heart Disease in Asian Indians - pleeease at least read the bullet points below.


Key Points:

• Compared to the general population of the US, the prevalence of coronary heart disease (CHD) in Asian Indians is approximately 4 times higher
• The rates are similar amongst vegetarians & non-vegetarians
• The consequences of atherosclerosis in the Asian Indian population tend to be more severe & develop earlier in life.
• CHD mortality rates from studies done in 4 countries (Canada, Singapore, England & South Africa), show that CHD rates were highest for Asian Indians, intermediate for whites, & lowest for Chinese & African Americans. Women had a similar pattern to that of men.
• In California, Asian Indians have the highest rate of hospitalization for CHD & Chinese have the lowest rates.
• The higher CHD risk in the Asian Indian population may be related to higher prevalence of metabolic syndrome, insulin resistance & diabetes.
• Metabolic syndrome is thought to be associated w/ genetic factors, overweight/obesity & physical inactivity. The syndrome is characterized by abdominal obesity, & some really long scientific words... (see article) :-D
• See Table 6 for bloodwork all Indian-folk need to be getting done
• While total cholesterol & LDL levels are similar to whites, HDL levels are lower, trigylceride levels are higher, & Lp(a) - a strong heart disease indicator - levels are higher
• The most important aspect of preventing CHD is identifying individuals @ high risk of developing CHD at an early age.
• Modification of lifestyle, such as increasing physical activity & decreasing consumption of calories - particularly saturated fat - should begin early in life.
• Avoiding abdominal obesity is as important, if not more important, than avoiding total obesity.
• Consumption of all tobacco-related products should be eliminated (dear friends, please don't hate me as i keep up the obnoxious "you shouldn't smoke routine"!)
• Appropriate drug therapy should be considered for all lipid abnormalities & risk factor abnormalities which do not respond to lifestyle adjustment

http://www.southasianheartcenter.org/docs/AAPImonograph.pdf


If any of you had an "ah ha" or "woah" moment reading some of the above, please spread the word about this to the people you care about... go get the tests that Dr. Enas recommends (which may cost you some $$ out-of-pocket b/c they go beyond standard lipid profile tests, but they are worth it)... & reconsider the choices you are making as they relate to your health.

Ok, well, the last time I'd sent the above to every single brown person I knew, one person wrote back to me saying that she found it interesting & that she passed it along... other people deleted it... several made fun of "how random I am."  I don't know how many people actually read this blog, but even if just one more person is effected by this, all my randomness is worth it. 
 
That's all for me for today & as always, I'd love to hear from you.
 
Write soon ~ SmileMoon :)

Down w/ Facebook!

Okay so to continue on my I-hate-"e"-everything rant, today I'm going to get into why even though I "blow up Facebook all the time" (per my friends who've told me that I do) I think that it's another thing that just mucks up the whole dating/getting-to-know-someone process. 

Ah Facebook... my beloved time waste where I get to randomly stalk people I wouldn't have thought about otherwise who are all now my "Friends"... oh how I hate & love you so...  I love you because I get to be connected to people I'd lost touch with from my past... for spreading the word about events, various causes & fun things to watch/read (like this blog... :-P)... for entertaining me via my friends' random status updates & allowing me to post my own (for example... my morbid, "I went to a meet & greet for Shahrukh Khan & got trampled" & "Omg, kill me now. ... My dad is on Facebook" & for making me feel connected to some people I wouldn't normally get a chance to stay that connected with otherwise.

I hate you because...  even though I think I'm pretty controlled w/ the amount of time I spend on you, I'm sure I'd still want to kill myself if I knew exactly how much of my precious life was wasted perusing on Facebook... (did you know that the average American watches 2 full MONTHS of TV a year??)...  for making some things that used to be personal/private/for-close-family/friend-eyes-only-type things (like baby ultrasound sonograms - no joke, I almost died when I saw the first one) so bizarrely public... for taking away the meaning of being "wished a Happy Birthday" (no unlove to anyone who wished me on Facebook b/c I really did appreciate it, but I would take personal phone calls, e-mails or omg, b-day cards in the mail over a hundred "Happy Birthday" Facebook wishes to which I then feel so awful writing a generic "Thank you everyone" to any day)....  for awkward moments as a result of you... I have one of those familiar faces that wherever I go always elicits a "I know you from somewhere" or "You look just like..." (this is something I've never been thrilled with hearing - "omg, you look just like everyone else I know!" :-P) but now I get super-weirded out by it b/c I know that I've known people in person after only having seen them online.  Just a little while ago, I totally freaked a girl I'd met out in Chicago by asking her if she had dated my friend back in Maryland; how'd I know...? Errrr... I remember her from his Facebook page & my justification for being such a stalker & so vividly remembering her...?  "She had such a distinctly beautiful face" (she really does, but my god...)

...  b/c I think you've really destroyed the meaning of the word "friend" since there are now qualifiers on the word - there's a big difference between a "real friend" or "Facebook friend?" ... & more than anything, I can't stand you because you're worse than any Shaadi.com profile or Vijay Uncle "Seriously Looking" page because you give everyone who meets me once (like most guys who I meet & then get Friend Requests from) a full view into my life (sure I can restrict & all that, but it took me so long to figure that all out when Daddy got online that I just figure that full access is better than bothering with trying to hide everything).  A person can meet me & know essentially all of the following... my "favorite" everything, where I went to school, who I'm related to & friends with (& a great conversation starter "did you know we're connected to so & so through..."), what I looked like when I was 6 years old (pretty darned freakin' cute! :-P) & in my 230 other pictures, my religious views, how I celebrated my 30th birthday & the few before that, the recent vacation(s) I went on & all my other random life happenings. 

Yes, I choose to be on Facebook & I enjoy sharing my life & being random-me on there; it's just that the whole getting to know someone process of having to ask questions about those things really gets lost.  In 10 minutes of reading & a few clicks later, everything that I would've way-back-in-the-day asked about, I now know!  So, new SmileMoon rule, if you're a friend already, you're good & totally privy to my overexposed self... if you're someone new I just met locally (this will be for guys & girls alike), I'm implementing my new "One Month Rule."  The rule can be bent as long as we are still in touch, have seen each other out, have met up or had some kind of connection after meeting each other; if so, whether it be a month or soner I'll then add you as a friend or accept your request.  & if we're dating, I might make this the "3 month rule" (no good can come from me obsessing over all the "beautiful men" from my trip to Costa Rica!) :-P   The thing is that I have 643 "Friends" on Facebook & I would say a hundred of those people are actually real friends whether we keep in touch on the regular or not.  Before I'd add & "accept" (the whole concept of accepting a "friend request" always makes me laugh) everyone & anyone, but since an ever increasing # does nothing for me, going forward, I'd like to get to really know you & let you get to know me versus us just reading about each other & feeling like we do.  I want conversations to move away from "I saw that you..." & "I read about..." to being asked questions like "where's your hometown, do you have any brothers or sisters, where'd you go to school, how'd you celebrate your b-day & go anywhere fun this year...?" & having the pleasure of actually answering.

Encouraging everyone to try the "One (or 3!) Month Rule"...

Write soon ~ SmileMoon

To blog or not to blog...?

That is the question...

Hi everyone, so it was brought to my attention that because I'm far from anonymously blogging that blogging at all about this topic could prevent me from eventually meeting someone long-term.  After hearing this perspective & mulling it over, it makes sense for so many reasons.  First, I'm overly exposed - someone who starts dating me & stumbles upon my blog immediately gets to know all my inner thoughts (which he might have found endearing had he had the chance to slowly get to know them) & my past happenings as they relate to my dating history, likes/dislikes/etc. in less than an hour's worth of reading time.

Second, & woah nelly... I never thought about the pressure for future-interested-in-me-guy as another close guy friend pointed out.  I'm trying to imagine reversing the situation & putting myself in said guy's shoes... what would I do & how would I feel if the guy I liked wrote a South Asian Dating blog...?  Naturally, I'd always be on the blog wondering " if this does/doesn't work out, if I do something right/wrong, will I be posted about?" & if I really liked the guy I would feel extra pressure over making a wrong move, living up to their expectations, etc...  Oh, & worse of all, any guy interested in me could very well put on a facade that he shares the same values, opinions & interests as me whereas in reality he doesn't & has just gotten content from my blog.

The really tough thing is that starting this blog & having gotten such positive feedback (countless private messages from males & females alike - tons from people i don't even know- telling me how they can relate, what I'm doing is great & my favorite - "you should write a book") has been such a wonderful experience.  However, I also agree with what the person who was concerned said... anything that's controversial is interesting, so no one is going to tell me that what I'm doing is a negative thing (& moreover, no one else will likely tell me that "SmileMoon, you are shooting yourself in the foot"), but in the end am I really going to change anything...?  & more importantly, selfishly speaking, who cares if I change anything if I end up hurting/hindering myself in the long-run?  However, another person who disagreed entirely made an equally good point... would I really end up with a guy who was so sensitive to something like this & so caught up in what everyone else thinks...?  & this is true too... would I want to be with someone who can't accept the go-against-the-grain, concerned for/try-to-save-the-world SmileMoon?  Probably not.  Ughhh....

I can honestly say that I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this blog... delete a few posts & hope these potential guys haven't seen them...?  Take it down entirely & just say that it was fun while it lasted?  One thing I can say for sure (& feel free to sue me if I do the contrary) that I would NEVER post about someone I am talking to, dating, or end up in a relationship with; the "dating horror stories, who should do the chase & SM Dating history" were just posts to tell a story, be entertaining & certainly not to imply that I am high-maintenance or require a lot to impress (I'm not & don't).

I would like to believe that if a guy really likes me that this wouldn't scare him away or at least he'd have the courage to talk to me about his concerns before running in the other direction.  Like I've said in previous posts, SmileMoon of real life doesn't go on & on like this... one-sided conversations do nothing for her because she likes to listen as much as she likes to talk... nor is she anything like Carrie from Sex in the City as someone recently called me (other than the fact that we both like to write).  I would also like to believe that someone who is interested in me would want to get to know me & then be able to understand me for the person I am in person not via some pseudo-anonymous character on a blog.

I also hope that none of what I've written portrays me as being desperate or that I think being married is the end-all-be-all & not because I care what everyone thinks, but because it just isn't true.  Honestly, if I was desperate to just "be married" & thought that it was some check mark I needed to complete, I could have been married many times over in the past however many years.  However, I didn't just want to just be married for the sake of saying I was; I wanted & still want to find "the one" & like many other late-20-& early-to-mid-30-somethings I am at a place in my life that I didn't expect to be... sans the one.

Most importantly, if I do take this blog down, I hope I've at least made some people think about what our generation's issue is & why it's become such a taboo thing that gets so much negative judgment to say that you want to be "settled, married, etc."  Every single person I know is looking for the same thing I am, but for some reason, because I'm saying it out loud, I have to worry about how I'm being perceived & if talking about it will be a detriment to me...  If you are the exception to norm - prefer living your life solo, don't want to "settle down" (I wonder if we hate that phrase b/c it includes the word "settle" in it) & appreciate your life more sans life partner than you think you would with one - please, I would looove to hear from you.

What's so funny to me is that some of my friends or people I know who poke fun of "desi people being so desperate to get married" or who supposedly aren't "hard-pressed" like everyone else, have profiles that I've stumbled upon Shaadi.com.  If you are single, have gone on blind dates, been set up through friends, have ever been on a dating website, went to any NetIP/SAPA/NetSAP conferences or go to any other related events, have asked your friends "will there be any guys/girls there?" before heading somewhere, you are looking for the same thing; I'm just not sure why no one is okay with saying it.

Well, I have a lot of thinking to do.... my original intention with this blog was to start a conversation about South Asian dating issues in general, so maybe just a little clean up of "everything-SmileMoon" would be a good place to start...

As always or at least until it lasts, I'd love to hear your perspectives...

Write soon ~ SmileMoon :)

Higher Learning...?

Hey everyone, this will be a rare brief (for me) post!  I wanted to see how guys & girls felt about how important or whether it is important at all that the person you date-to-marry has some kind of "higher" degree.  For me personally, it's just not something that I care about (I'd like the guy I'm with to be smart & ambitious but I far from want someone who is the brainiac intellectual type); however, my mom has been very insistent for the past seeeeveral years telling me that "Indian ladke MBA ko chaathe hai" (Desi guys want girls w/ secondary degrees) as she lists off my sister-in-law, my best friend & multiple other examples... as she then continues to tell me all the other reasons why I'm wonderful & would be with a guy "if only..."  Please know that my mom is incredibly sweet & good-hearted, but at the end of the day, she's also an Indian Mom!

Anywho, I'm just curious for the guys & girls out there, how important is it to you that your boo-boo-2-be have a masters, doctorate or something along those lines...?  & this is for the guys, how important is it to you that your wifey-to-be be career-minded?

K, Happy Sunday & write soon!

~ SmileMoon :)

Omg, the funniest thing ever....!!!

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

This is hysterical, disturbing, creepy (especially the 2nd message - you have to listen to both) & oh wow, so many more things!!  

Ahahahahaha.  Thank you Dmitri :-D

Seriously looking & open to something new...? Get to know Vijay Uncle

Hi everyone, so if you read my very first post, you know about "Vijay Uncle."  Its pretty funny because ever since coming back from NetIP Toronto, I have been asked "who the heck is Vijay Uncle & why are you obsessed with him?" & told that I seem to officially be into much older men.  Well, I hope I explained who he is in the first post & as much as I heart Vijay Uncle, it's just not like that people! 

However, just incase... Vijay Uncle is a retired surgeon who has made it his life's mission to help fix whatever issues (it apparent that we have them) with our finding a "life partner" & make the process far easier. He is the most "with it" person you'll meet who is your parents' age & if you remember the "why buy the cow when you give the milk away for free" comment, he certainly doesn't think or talk like any uncle you know!  Uncle has been a keynote speaker at the past 4 NetIP conferences & stayed up until 7 in the morning speaking with attendees at the recent NetIP conference; I was one of them & woah, was that an experience.

Anywho, Vijay Uncle is recruiting individuals who are really serious about finding someone & who are open to a completely new dating-to-get-married process.  If you participate (& I plan on participating & girlfriends of mine are participating as well; however, not surprising at all, the # of girls far outweighs the guys right now), just make sure that you are really serious & not of the game playing mentality.  You are at the place in your life where you do not need years to figure out whether someone is the right one & you are willing to make the effort, ask the right questions, etc. to come to that determination far sooner.

I really challenge the guys to put themselves out there; not only are the odds in your favor, but (& this is for everyone - male & female alike) THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with saying that you are "seriously looking."  As Vijay Uncle says, it is more likely that there is likely something wrong with you if you say that you are not.  It is OKAY & in fact, really normal & natural, to say (& if not say, just feel) that you want to be "settled," married, & on the path to eventually having children.  This is far less about what we want & more about evolution & the natural way of human history.  & I've always personally been so confused when & why it became the most embarrassing, weird thing to say you feel that way.

So please, put whatever perceived embarrassment aside, tell your friends about Vijay Uncle's mission & if you are interested in getting involved as a "Serious Looker," please add "VijayUncle Mehta" as a friend on Facebook.

I leave you with this... almost 900 desi people attended this past NetIP conference most in their late 20s, early 30s & late 30s... 99% of them were single... all of them were moved by Vijay Uncle & agreed with what he was saying...  however, only 5 people are currently participating in his program as "Seriously Looking."  Yep, we definitely have some issues.... :-P

K, well, I hope to see you on there & write soon ~ SmileMoon :)

"Beta, you're just not trying..."

Not to harp on the issue (being that my last post was called "A Family Matter"), but parents are truly something else. My honestly adorable dad just blew up my facebook page (his getting on FB was one of the more traumatizing experiences of my life)... in addition to wishing me a Happy Birthday, he said "Our prayer on this 30th BD is that almighty God find the best, loving and caring life partner for you soon." I know, aweee.  & before heading to the NetIP conference in Toronto my mom wrote this ridiculously cute e-mail (that I so wrongly turned into a forward - sorry momma!) that gave me the following advice: "Please try to create and generate positive energy around you. Listen first the other person, feel tall and intelligent. If (you) don't (have a) response just give a cute smile. You have a beautiful smile. Try to make some net working from girls too."  Mommy, I tried to be as tall & smile as much possible - no such luck though; however I did meet some great girls! :-P

I'm not saying that they aren't the sweetest for caring, but it's just a bit much to handle when that's all that every conversation with the parental units seems to revolve around including the every now & then "Beta, you are just not trying."

They are conveniently forgetting the several years of my being on various dating websites, going on blind dates & set ups, awkwardly being 3rd wheel to my parents & attending weddings where I knew no one purely for the sake of humoring their "Beta, you never know...," my participating in a Charity Date Auction (I was actually auctioned & how absurd is this...?  The guy payed $850 to go on a date w/ me to one of the Top 10 restaurants in the country & a hot air balloon ride & he didn't even end up ever going on the date! Talk about an ego killer :-P), NetIP/NetSAP/SAPA/whatever events, etc.   So I would like just a little credit for being open-minded & putting in what I think is a good amount of effort.

Parents don't understand how easy it was for them when they tell us that we aren't trying.  When they got married 30-40+ years ago, I would say at least 75% of them had arranged marriages (if not more) & as awful as I think this system was/is, a lot of them had the assistance of a generous dowry to help seal the deal.  They could've been short, dark, balding (or more likely overly-hairy!), overweight & maybe just not necessarily so pleasant on the eyes (sure, sure "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" & all that), but the majority of them all got hitched up one way or the other by the time they were in their early 20's.

Believe me, even though my own father didn't get a dowry when he married my mom (& I have to say "Go Nanaji!" for not giving dowries for any of his 3 daughters!), if he could now offer some guy a washing machine, microwave & some substantial amount of rupees/$'s to seal the deal, he would in a heartbeat (he wouldn't tell me about it, but he would!)  As we all know, the dowry system is still so prevalent in the motherland; to some extent it has either helped or hindered weddings from happening on both sides of my famliy there & horrific as I think it is, I can't help but think of one particular story with a niece of mine (she is older than me - you all know how that works).

Anywho, well, my gorgeous, sweet, "gharelu" ("homely" as some people in appropriately say or "good w/ household things") niece had polio when she was a baby & essentially lost all use of one leg.  Now she was educated & had everything going for her, but when it came to her settling down, finding the right guy was impossible; people could not see past her "handicap".  Well, my cousin found a great guy for her & wooed over his parents with a very generous dowry; it wasn't something the guy was asking for, but his mummy & daddy were.  No one on my niece's side was offended by this; they happily gave the dowry & several years later, she has a precious daughter & a really happy home life with an honestly amazing man.  So, I dunno, would I wish away the dowry in this instance when it ended up getting her everything she wanted...?  I don't think I would...

Well, as usual, this got long, but that's how my stream of thought works when I'm writing; thanks to all of you who actually read my complete posts!  Also, sorry for being MIA for a bit; I just had the most amaizng 30th-bday weekend celebrating with friends & family & was traveling non-stop before that & I'm sooo glad to finally be back!

K, write soon ~ SmileMoon :)