To all my friends named Bharat, please relax and to everyone, please forgive any major writing mishaps; whatever irks you about my writing will likely annoy you more since English is not my strong suit right now.
So... anyone who knows me personally or has been following the blog knows that I have always had a major thing for the Motherland, went earlier this year for 6 weeks and had planned a 6-month stay in India that kicked off in October. Unlike previous trips where I stayed with family in Uttar Pradesh, the intention of this trip was a minimum of 5 months in Mumbai to do an internship or two with the hope of possibly getting a full-time job there. I figured that since I always felt that my Momma’s land had a magnetic pull on me, felt most comfortable in my own skin while there, and considering I was sans a job (courtesy being laid off in December) that it made sense to seriously explore the possibility of living in India for a few years for work.
With great enthusiasm I got ready for India, packed my bags (btw, packing for 6 months is no easy task) & mentally prepared myself to leave my family, friends and the new love of my life, my nephew. I was royally bummed to be leaving everyone, but I imagined all the possibilities that lay ahead of me and when I got on the plane on October 11th, I was pumped! However, talk about my figurative tires being deflated with a quickness… In spite of already knowing a few people in Mumbai and being introduced to wonderful new friends (who I had a blast with), a few days into my stay, I had a major “wuh oh” feeling. Everyone told me that I needed to give it more time (& perhaps they were right), but I’ve never known my gut instinct to betray me... whether it be a person or a place, 96% of the time, I either like you or I don’t – people/things do not “grow on me.”
Anyway, there was definitely the initial adjustment of living solo in a new city (in a technically-foreign country), but other than a run-in with a mutant cockroach and being chased down the street by a pack of ravenous stray dogs nothing too traumatic happened. I was immensely proud of myself as I quickly learned how to take cabs solo so that I was no longer getting ripped off by them and cross the road without having someone hold my hand (if you haven’t been to India, I will post some videos, so you can understand why this is a praise-worthy feat).
My friends in Mumbai can vouch for the fact that I was definitely going through major culture shock as I verbalized my (in-their-opinion absurd) observations. In my opinion, other than the fact that there were brown people everywhere, there was nothing very desi about Mumbai. In fact, I felt that the majority of people there were more Westernized than I was, and I was the odd one out trying to express my inner fob whether it was in what I was wearing or my need to constantly speak Hindi (which people only seemed to speak if forced to since English is the language of preference). Whether it was a bar, club, restaurant or a mall, I felt like I was in the US, which to me was the anti-point of being in India. Actually, I felt like I was in NYC, which other than for a quick in and out weekend to drop a ton of money shopping, eating out & partying, I have never felt compelled to stay in long-term. I was completely in awe of how forward/modern things were… guys and girls smoking in packs outside of restaurants, people drinking like crazy, couples canoodling in public, and the clothes (the same clothes I brought with me but never mustered up the courage to wear) that people felt comfie wearing out and about.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a conservative saint, not everyone that I met was like what I described above and nor do I think any of the above is bad or wrong (I'm personally not the PDA type and have never smoked, but I do drink and depending on the event, I also like to occasionally wear inappropriately short dresses). The thing was that although I’d seen all of the above in movies, I hadn’t mentally prepared myself to see it all live and Mumbai-India was the complete opposite of my previous in-India experiences. Having said all that, regardless of how I felt, people are of course far more desi than I’ll ever be (whether they seemed like it or not) and me saying any of the above definitely does not imply that people there are sans desi values, culture or traditions. However, after a conversation where I shared what I was feeling with someone, they said, “SM, what you call the Motherland is actually made up 2 parts: India & Bharat. India includes Mumbai and all the major cities and asides from a few things - like the slums or general cleanliness - is not too different from the US. Everything else is Bharat, and that is what you love."
Uff, he was right and right then it hit me that although I thoroughly enjoy short stints in big city India and living up the metro life, what I really love is “Bharat” where… life is slow (or at least much slower)… people are still super traditional/conservative... just like people worldwide they are seeking more wealth but are still very satisfied with their simple lives... families are all about their kids getting settled once they've completed their undergrad/post-grad (which is usually by the time they turn 21-22) and “kids” are on board with this plan.... newly married couples don’t think it’s odd to have kids soon into their marriage, joint families are the norm, and 2 of my personal favorites… everyone speaks Hindi and women wear traditional Indian clothing (sarees & suits mostly) and are fully adorned in all kinds of jewelry (married women especially). & yes, other than the latter 2 items, I likely only love everything else as an observer/visitor in comparison to life back in the States and relative to my own life as it currently is, since having been born and raised in the US most of the above wouldn’t work for me.
So basically… India, where I could actually work and fully function on my own (& perhaps even meet a potential jeevan saathi), does not tickle my personal fancy and Bharat, where the only way I could live here is likely if I had been born and raised here (or got married into some balleriffic family at a much younger age!), I make no sense in long-term and would most likely eventually drive me mad since it is so half-a$$ backwards (mostly in ways that don’t sit well w/ the feminist in me). Although I will never say “never” for living in the Motherland (since I find that the universe then goes out of its way to turn your said "never" into your new actuality), once I came to the understanding that, in spite of my love for India and as much as I am at my best when I get to fully express my inner-fob, I am nonetheless most likely best suited for Amreeka, so I decided to cut my 6 month plan short. (<-- Sorry for the massive run-on and jacked up punctuation sentence; I tried to edit this about 10X and my brain malfunctioned trying). Anywho, I left Mumbai after two and a half weeks and came to Saharanpur (in UP and is where all my extended family lives), to celebrate Diwali (which everyone must do at least once in their life) and to spend the rest of my trip.
It’s interesting because after being in Saharanpur for a month, I feel like I actually live here. I'm in the know with all the neighbors (we nod at each other in acknowledgment as we cross paths), I teach kids Bollywood dancing (& Aunties aerobics at my nephew's gym), go to classes for all kinds of stuff, make grocery runs, head to the tailor, and more all on my own. While I’m walking about I often catch myself imagining thinking “ah, this is the good life,” but then I remind myself that this all feels so great b/c I’m with my family who is looking out for me and I would likely not find day-to-day life here so endearing as a permanent resident.
Anyway, that’s my major update! For those of you who’ve been asking where I've been, I’m sorry, but since coming to UP, my internet connection has been awful and I constantly have anywhere from 2-5 nephews/nieces beckoning for their Bhua or climbing their way into my lap at any given moment, so sitting at my laptop for 10 minutes straight is next to impossible. I still have lots to say about India, and I want to share some great videos/pics/stories from my trip, fill you in on dating/marriage in both small town and big city India, and why I'm so smitten with guys here, but I most likely won’t get a chance to until I get back which will be by mid-December, so I apologize in advance for several after-the-fact posts.
Once I get back, I also plan on blogging frequently about South Asian dating again. I’ve started putting together a survey for married folks, so if anyone has any questions they’d like to add, please comment here or e-mail me at smilemoonsworld@gmail.com.
As always, thanks for reading!
So... anyone who knows me personally or has been following the blog knows that I have always had a major thing for the Motherland, went earlier this year for 6 weeks and had planned a 6-month stay in India that kicked off in October. Unlike previous trips where I stayed with family in Uttar Pradesh, the intention of this trip was a minimum of 5 months in Mumbai to do an internship or two with the hope of possibly getting a full-time job there. I figured that since I always felt that my Momma’s land had a magnetic pull on me, felt most comfortable in my own skin while there, and considering I was sans a job (courtesy being laid off in December) that it made sense to seriously explore the possibility of living in India for a few years for work.
With great enthusiasm I got ready for India, packed my bags (btw, packing for 6 months is no easy task) & mentally prepared myself to leave my family, friends and the new love of my life, my nephew. I was royally bummed to be leaving everyone, but I imagined all the possibilities that lay ahead of me and when I got on the plane on October 11th, I was pumped! However, talk about my figurative tires being deflated with a quickness… In spite of already knowing a few people in Mumbai and being introduced to wonderful new friends (who I had a blast with), a few days into my stay, I had a major “wuh oh” feeling. Everyone told me that I needed to give it more time (& perhaps they were right), but I’ve never known my gut instinct to betray me... whether it be a person or a place, 96% of the time, I either like you or I don’t – people/things do not “grow on me.”
Anyway, there was definitely the initial adjustment of living solo in a new city (in a technically-foreign country), but other than a run-in with a mutant cockroach and being chased down the street by a pack of ravenous stray dogs nothing too traumatic happened. I was immensely proud of myself as I quickly learned how to take cabs solo so that I was no longer getting ripped off by them and cross the road without having someone hold my hand (if you haven’t been to India, I will post some videos, so you can understand why this is a praise-worthy feat).
My friends in Mumbai can vouch for the fact that I was definitely going through major culture shock as I verbalized my (in-their-opinion absurd) observations. In my opinion, other than the fact that there were brown people everywhere, there was nothing very desi about Mumbai. In fact, I felt that the majority of people there were more Westernized than I was, and I was the odd one out trying to express my inner fob whether it was in what I was wearing or my need to constantly speak Hindi (which people only seemed to speak if forced to since English is the language of preference). Whether it was a bar, club, restaurant or a mall, I felt like I was in the US, which to me was the anti-point of being in India. Actually, I felt like I was in NYC, which other than for a quick in and out weekend to drop a ton of money shopping, eating out & partying, I have never felt compelled to stay in long-term. I was completely in awe of how forward/modern things were… guys and girls smoking in packs outside of restaurants, people drinking like crazy, couples canoodling in public, and the clothes (the same clothes I brought with me but never mustered up the courage to wear) that people felt comfie wearing out and about.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a conservative saint, not everyone that I met was like what I described above and nor do I think any of the above is bad or wrong (I'm personally not the PDA type and have never smoked, but I do drink and depending on the event, I also like to occasionally wear inappropriately short dresses). The thing was that although I’d seen all of the above in movies, I hadn’t mentally prepared myself to see it all live and Mumbai-India was the complete opposite of my previous in-India experiences. Having said all that, regardless of how I felt, people are of course far more desi than I’ll ever be (whether they seemed like it or not) and me saying any of the above definitely does not imply that people there are sans desi values, culture or traditions. However, after a conversation where I shared what I was feeling with someone, they said, “SM, what you call the Motherland is actually made up 2 parts: India & Bharat. India includes Mumbai and all the major cities and asides from a few things - like the slums or general cleanliness - is not too different from the US. Everything else is Bharat, and that is what you love."
Uff, he was right and right then it hit me that although I thoroughly enjoy short stints in big city India and living up the metro life, what I really love is “Bharat” where… life is slow (or at least much slower)… people are still super traditional/conservative... just like people worldwide they are seeking more wealth but are still very satisfied with their simple lives... families are all about their kids getting settled once they've completed their undergrad/post-grad (which is usually by the time they turn 21-22) and “kids” are on board with this plan.... newly married couples don’t think it’s odd to have kids soon into their marriage, joint families are the norm, and 2 of my personal favorites… everyone speaks Hindi and women wear traditional Indian clothing (sarees & suits mostly) and are fully adorned in all kinds of jewelry (married women especially). & yes, other than the latter 2 items, I likely only love everything else as an observer/visitor in comparison to life back in the States and relative to my own life as it currently is, since having been born and raised in the US most of the above wouldn’t work for me.
So basically… India, where I could actually work and fully function on my own (& perhaps even meet a potential jeevan saathi), does not tickle my personal fancy and Bharat, where the only way I could live here is likely if I had been born and raised here (or got married into some balleriffic family at a much younger age!), I make no sense in long-term and would most likely eventually drive me mad since it is so half-a$$ backwards (mostly in ways that don’t sit well w/ the feminist in me). Although I will never say “never” for living in the Motherland (since I find that the universe then goes out of its way to turn your said "never" into your new actuality), once I came to the understanding that, in spite of my love for India and as much as I am at my best when I get to fully express my inner-fob, I am nonetheless most likely best suited for Amreeka, so I decided to cut my 6 month plan short. (<-- Sorry for the massive run-on and jacked up punctuation sentence; I tried to edit this about 10X and my brain malfunctioned trying). Anywho, I left Mumbai after two and a half weeks and came to Saharanpur (in UP and is where all my extended family lives), to celebrate Diwali (which everyone must do at least once in their life) and to spend the rest of my trip.
It’s interesting because after being in Saharanpur for a month, I feel like I actually live here. I'm in the know with all the neighbors (we nod at each other in acknowledgment as we cross paths), I teach kids Bollywood dancing (& Aunties aerobics at my nephew's gym), go to classes for all kinds of stuff, make grocery runs, head to the tailor, and more all on my own. While I’m walking about I often catch myself imagining thinking “ah, this is the good life,” but then I remind myself that this all feels so great b/c I’m with my family who is looking out for me and I would likely not find day-to-day life here so endearing as a permanent resident.
Anyway, that’s my major update! For those of you who’ve been asking where I've been, I’m sorry, but since coming to UP, my internet connection has been awful and I constantly have anywhere from 2-5 nephews/nieces beckoning for their Bhua or climbing their way into my lap at any given moment, so sitting at my laptop for 10 minutes straight is next to impossible. I still have lots to say about India, and I want to share some great videos/pics/stories from my trip, fill you in on dating/marriage in both small town and big city India, and why I'm so smitten with guys here, but I most likely won’t get a chance to until I get back which will be by mid-December, so I apologize in advance for several after-the-fact posts.
Once I get back, I also plan on blogging frequently about South Asian dating again. I’ve started putting together a survey for married folks, so if anyone has any questions they’d like to add, please comment here or e-mail me at smilemoonsworld@gmail.com.
As always, thanks for reading!
Write Soon ~ Smile Moon
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