Okay so to continue on my I-hate-"e"-everything rant, today I'm going to get into why even though I "blow up Facebook all the time" (per my friends who've told me that I do) I think that it's another thing that just mucks up the whole dating/getting-to-know-someone process.
Ah Facebook... my beloved time waste where I get to randomly stalk people I wouldn't have thought about otherwise who are all now my "Friends"... oh how I hate & love you so... I love you because I get to be connected to people I'd lost touch with from my past... for spreading the word about events, various causes & fun things to watch/read (like this blog... :-P)... for entertaining me via my friends' random status updates & allowing me to post my own (for example... my morbid, "I went to a meet & greet for Shahrukh Khan & got trampled" & "Omg, kill me now. ... My dad is on Facebook" & for making me feel connected to some people I wouldn't normally get a chance to stay that connected with otherwise.
I hate you because... even though I think I'm pretty controlled w/ the amount of time I spend on you, I'm sure I'd still want to kill myself if I knew exactly how much of my precious life was wasted perusing on Facebook... (did you know that the average American watches 2 full MONTHS of TV a year??)... for making some things that used to be personal/private/for-close-family/friend-eyes-only-type things (like baby ultrasound sonograms - no joke, I almost died when I saw the first one) so bizarrely public... for taking away the meaning of being "wished a Happy Birthday" (no unlove to anyone who wished me on Facebook b/c I really did appreciate it, but I would take personal phone calls, e-mails or omg, b-day cards in the mail over a hundred "Happy Birthday" Facebook wishes to which I then feel so awful writing a generic "Thank you everyone" to any day).... for awkward moments as a result of you... I have one of those familiar faces that wherever I go always elicits a "I know you from somewhere" or "You look just like..." (this is something I've never been thrilled with hearing - "omg, you look just like everyone else I know!" :-P) but now I get super-weirded out by it b/c I know that I've known people in person after only having seen them online. Just a little while ago, I totally freaked a girl I'd met out in Chicago by asking her if she had dated my friend back in Maryland; how'd I know...? Errrr... I remember her from his Facebook page & my justification for being such a stalker & so vividly remembering her...? "She had such a distinctly beautiful face" (she really does, but my god...)
... b/c I think you've really destroyed the meaning of the word "friend" since there are now qualifiers on the word - there's a big difference between a "real friend" or "Facebook friend?" ... & more than anything, I can't stand you because you're worse than any Shaadi.com profile or Vijay Uncle "Seriously Looking" page because you give everyone who meets me once (like most guys who I meet & then get Friend Requests from) a full view into my life (sure I can restrict & all that, but it took me so long to figure that all out when Daddy got online that I just figure that full access is better than bothering with trying to hide everything). A person can meet me & know essentially all of the following... my "favorite" everything, where I went to school, who I'm related to & friends with (& a great conversation starter "did you know we're connected to so & so through..."), what I looked like when I was 6 years old (pretty darned freakin' cute! :-P) & in my 230 other pictures, my religious views, how I celebrated my 30th birthday & the few before that, the recent vacation(s) I went on & all my other random life happenings.
Yes, I choose to be on Facebook & I enjoy sharing my life & being random-me on there; it's just that the whole getting to know someone process of having to ask questions about those things really gets lost. In 10 minutes of reading & a few clicks later, everything that I would've way-back-in-the-day asked about, I now know! So, new SmileMoon rule, if you're a friend already, you're good & totally privy to my overexposed self... if you're someone new I just met locally (this will be for guys & girls alike), I'm implementing my new "One Month Rule." The rule can be bent as long as we are still in touch, have seen each other out, have met up or had some kind of connection after meeting each other; if so, whether it be a month or soner I'll then add you as a friend or accept your request. & if we're dating, I might make this the "3 month rule" (no good can come from me obsessing over all the "beautiful men" from my trip to Costa Rica!) :-P The thing is that I have 643 "Friends" on Facebook & I would say a hundred of those people are actually real friends whether we keep in touch on the regular or not. Before I'd add & "accept" (the whole concept of accepting a "friend request" always makes me laugh) everyone & anyone, but since an ever increasing # does nothing for me, going forward, I'd like to get to really know you & let you get to know me versus us just reading about each other & feeling like we do. I want conversations to move away from "I saw that you..." & "I read about..." to being asked questions like "where's your hometown, do you have any brothers or sisters, where'd you go to school, how'd you celebrate your b-day & go anywhere fun this year...?" & having the pleasure of actually answering.
Encouraging everyone to try the "One (or 3!) Month Rule"...
Write soon ~ SmileMoon
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SmileMoon,
ReplyDeleteEvery time I read your blogs it seems like something I could have written. :) Its because I too think of these things to a larger extent and here are my few points that came up after reading your fb blog.
1) I have made it a rule to not accept any "guys" I meet unless I can develop a genuine friendship, because I don't want them to stalk me or judge me.
2) I hate admitting this but I do remove anyone who I had to accept at the time because I knew them but I have never personally talked to them in years or even getting a message from them on fb. I know they would not even find out if i was gone from their friend list.
3) Also I avoid any people, who I know want ot befirend me simply because they are jealous, intrigued and or have ulterior motives. I would like for everyone who is privy to my life in such detail to atleast not wish ill for me. I cannot handle negativity from people liek the time when I posted something on my status and I got a taunt about it form someone else. I dont need that in my life.
Lastly to counter all this, I came up with a simple idea that I wish to implement asap (and tell me what you think about this)
I will create a separate FB page- it might even go by the name that I am known among my fam and real freinds. It shall talk about the real things in my life. For example, I was depressed one day because of a bad experience with someone. I really wanted to express myself but I could not post it on fb.
For the whole world I shall keep my current page and remove all private content. This shall be my virtual "face" to the world. The same way that we have a face for our co=-workers and a different one for our family.
There really needs to be a distinction.
Best,
Eva
hey eva, thanks for the comment. i agree with you that unfortunately too many people are looking to be your (anyone's) critic, ill-wisher, etc. i have definitely experienced the same thing where i'll say something on facebook & someone will make a nasty comment on my page or say something uber sarcastic or rude to me about it later. i don't do well with negative people & also want to keep their energy in my life to a minimum (& ideally, to a non-existant level)
ReplyDeletealthough i didn't think about this when i did it, i definitely think people shouldn't add their co-workers or anyone from work. you just never know what someone will say on your wall or otherwise.
k, well thanks again for reading & commenting & ttys!