** SINGLES - DATING SURVEY RESULTS! **

Hi everyone,

Please click on the below links to see the survey results (password:  smilemoon) & for my thoughts on the surveys, see below.

* Disclaimer * - I created both of these surveys in an hour and a half & way past my bedtime, so please forgive me for lack of anything (sense the survey questions make, logic in the responses, ease of reading/ understanding the answers, etc.); I did this for fun, so please keep that in mind as you go through it.  Also, I realized after the fact that a few of my answer choices like "whatever she likes, I can't miss my soaps" as a choice to the male survey question #14 about their future wife's income or "I have no idea" to the female survey question # 24 on why they think they are still single, were cop-out answers.  My bad, but I still think the fact that these choices were the most common responses to these 2 questions still says something...  Also, the # of responses (~ 100 total) was so small that any of the "findings" can hardly be deemed representative of the whole lot of desi males or females, so please keep that in perspective before creating any further angst & frustration towards the opposite sex.  Lastly, my original intention was to present some kind of summary of the survey findings to you, but after 2 minutes of attempting to do that, I realized this would be far easier & less time consuming.  Sorry for being lazy! :-P  *

FEMALE (65 responses):

http://www.surveymonkey.com/sr.aspx?sm=/cZWNhU/28S5ZKy181J6WoZqKQdrtr/N%2b40l87NhgH4%3d

MALE (41 responses):

http://www.surveymonkey.com/sr.aspx?sm=1Nrey3W8pDCkjWsNQ04Jojj3McHmD8_2fkIoY4327JkvU_3d

* Request when commenting * - if commenting on a specific question, please mention which survey (Male or Female) & the question #.

If you've checked out the opposite sex's responses (& are actually desi, in your late 20's to late 30's, single & in the dating world), you are perhaps not surprised at all by the responses or not surprised but still highly annoyed, disturbed, horrified or some combination of the aforementioned because you might be thinking something along the lines of... "if our 2 sexes fundamentally think so the complete OPPOSITE of each other, how in the world  are any of us ever going to get together on the shaadi (marriage) front?"  Actually, I imagine that several of the ladies are thinking that & that the fellas are just not too bothered by the whole thing, & fundamentally, I think that in itself is the issue.

Or, less it being an "issue," it is simply the fact of the matter - we females (for the most part & for whatever  reason(s) - biology, society, & so on.) are simply more concerned about settling down (to most, that means  getting married & eventually having kids) whereas guys for the most part, irrespective of wanting to settle down, it is more of a "one day" thing (that for many is the last piece of the puzzle once the rest of their lives are completely settled), so the "when" part of it happening is not as much of a concern.

We also didn't need a survey to tell us this, but the same way that most men prefer to date women younger than them (if I were a guy, I'd prefer the exact same thing!), women prefer to date men that are taller than them.  We all have our preferences, & one is not any more or less right or wrong than the other person's, so... after 8 months of blogging (participating in the angst & frustration and perhaps even perpetuating it) & seeing some of the answers to the survey questions, I think we should all take a moment to mentally forgive the opposite sex & stop blaming them for feeling how they can't help but feel.  Yes, although we wish they could,  they can't help it.  Think about it - Can you help how you feel?  Nope, you can try to feel something different temporarily, but then 99% of the time you revert back to feeling how you have always felt & no one - not me, not Vijay Uncle, not any self-development guru/book/etc. - can convince you to feel, think, believe or act otherwise.  & I mean it on the forgiveness thing... it has become blatantly apparent that too many people can't stand the opposite sex (or the singles that are left as their "options" in that population) - the very people they are ultimately trying to partner with!

I am going to comment on one particular question that was on both surveys in a second, but more than anything, what this survey has personally inspired me to do is spread the word to young 20-something desi females encouraging them to realize that they are a hot commodity & that at that age, they have a whole lot of power in the dating game.  They have options galore & some people - whether they be male or female can get a little cocky, delusional or reckless when they have all that power & so many options - so I want to advise them to reign in their egos & develop some kind of strategy to find their life partner sooner rather than later.  Side note - I am not worried about the guys because - for the most part - what they want & when they want it is completely different than females & when it comes to options (including going to India to find a potential spouse which more than 50% of male respondents would consider) they simply have far more of them.

If we all realized earlier in the process that Mr. or Ms. Perfect-&-who-meets-all-my-criteria-(& my parents'.  & my community's.  & my family in India's)-&-then-some likely does not exist, perhaps we collectively wouldn't be in this situation.  Sure, some of us did realize this... we expanded our horizons & were open-minded... & we believe we are single for entirely different reasons, reasons outside of our control, or for no apparent reason at all.   Either way, one thing is blatantly obvious by this survey, all my postings, every speech Vijay Uncle has ever given, & so on, is that as desi people, we are criteria-driven... & a lot of those criteria have very little to do with who an individual is as a human being, but entirely around things like what they look like, what they do, how much they make, do they or do they not speak the same "mother tongue" as me, & a whole slew of superficial & far-from-permanent (or far from important) qualities.  We all know of marriages that were built on criteria that are now ending in divorce, so I highly encourage everyone who is "seriously looking" to seriously reflect & introspect on what you are really looking for.

& if after that reflection, you realize that what you have been seeking has not changed for the past 10 to 20 years, then a lot of us will also need to seriously come to the understanding (& this is not to be morbid) that we may never find that life partner we are seeking.  & if we're okay with that, that's great, but if we're not, then something's gotta give...

Now as for my comment on that one question (Male survey # 25, Female - #24) - "Of the below choices select all that apply for why you think you are still single."  Most common female response (~43%):  "I have no idea."  Most common male responses (I'm mentioning both b/c the difference between them was one response):  "All the good girls are taken/ I'm a far better catch than 'what is out there'" and "Honestly, I'm too picky."  Actually, no comment necessary - the choices that were selected speak for themselves...

More in the surveys on what the opposite sex thinks of "conversations via text" early on in dating, why he gets your # but doesn't call it, physical chemistry, passion vs. dedication & much more...

Thanks for reading & as always, I would love to hear your thoughts!

Write soon ~ Smile Moon :)

"I do my thing and you do your's.  I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine.  You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then that's beautiful.  If not, it can't be helped." - Gestalt prayer

"Anger always comes from frustrated expectations." - Elliott Larson