Attending My Funeral

I hope that no one got too excited or grief-stricken at the potential earlier-than-expected demise of yours truly, & I apologize for the morbid title; this concept is from "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey & if you bear with me, there is real value to this idea especially for us 20 to 30-somethings & yes, I do think there is a correlation to dating (see below!)

Ok, so... Covey sets it up "Attending Your Own Funeral" as something like this...  Imagine that you are attending a funeral.  You see all familiar faces and upon seeing yourself in the casket (I have never been to a funeral - *knock on wood * - so the thought of wanting to look at the body of a dead person is just personally bizarre & creepy to me) & realize that it is your own funeral.  You look at the program and see that there are to be four groups of speakers:

1)  Your family

2)  Your friends

3)  Your co-workers

4)  Your church or community organization

Now, ask yourself the following questions:

1)  What would each of these speakers say about your life?

2)  What do you want to resonate about you?

3)  How would you like them to describe your character?

4)  What difference would you like to have made in their lives?

I first heard of "attending your own funeral" while listening to Covey's audio book several years ago on a road trip with my family (the Moons are super dorks :-P), & I distinctly remember being really effected by it, b/c just prior to the trip, a family friend's teenage son had passed away from what can only be called a freak accident.  Like his passing, I had always experienced death peripherally (again, knock on wood) whether it was through a fellow classmate passing away the day before our college graduation, another family friend's young 20-something son being killed in a drunk driving accident & another undergrad classmate passing away just a few years after graduation from cancer.  As someone who had never been rational when it comes to death, in spite of not or no longer being close to these individuals, I was always completely stricken (& often temporarily paralyzed) by the loss that their families would feel & that they didn't get to live "complete" lives.

However, after that particular drive & mentally "attending my own funeral," I became less concerned about what everyone would say about me (I felt that I would fare okay in that regard, but please forgive the unsolicited advice giver in me for highly recommending that anyone who has strained relationships with their family/friends or perhaps puts everything else in life above their relationships or has financial/career success at the expense of them, to consider the above seriously), & I became uber concerned with what I might not get to say to the people that I cared about in my life if my life were to unexpectedly be cut short (if my mom was reading this - & my god, thank goodness she doesn't - she would be yelling at me in Hindi saying "Shubh shubh bolo!" meaning "Speak good things").  Sorry Momma & anyone else who shares those sentiments, but I assure you that there is a positive point in all of this.

As all my close friends & family know, whether it was same-aged Aaliyah passing away in 2001 or 9-11 happening just 2 weeks later, after anything that struck that particular chord, they would get a gushy e-mail from yours truly making sure that they knew exactly how much they meant to me.  To the likely dismay of my poor friends who had to endure the sappy over-expression that has always been SM, this quote by Anna Cummins became a big part of my life "Do not save your loving speeches for your friends until they are dead.  Do not write them on their tombstones; speak them rather now instead."  I know that thinking that we might not get a chance to say or do what we want because life - our's or someone else's that we care about - gets cut short is an un-fun thought, but whether you've experienced death peripherally or directly, you know that this is simply how life sometimes goes... a person leaves their home & sometimes just doesn't come back (for my fellow fobs out there, I watched "Baabul" for the second time this weekend & the movie was part my inspiration for writing this blog. Uh... Sorry if I ruined it for anyone, but I figured if you haven't watched it by now...).

Anyway, now for the part about not getting a chance to DO what we want... (if anyone is wondering about my recent turn in subject matter, no, I am not - or at least not that I know of - dying any faster than we all are, but thank you for being concerned :-P).  If you read my last last post, "Down with the Dating Blog!" and my experience going through the Landmark Forum class, although you might still not get it, you at least know that it was a completely life changing experience for me.  I have never used this expression before, but I feel like have a new "lease on life" as well as this intense urgency about doing & being everything I want NOW.

Now the reason this all relates to dating is because I know that I was definitely someone who had put aspects of my life on pause as I would think things like "I'd like to do so & so one day with my husband..." or "when I have kids, I will..." & I know so many people - guys & girls alike - who are waiting for the rest of their lives to start or take a turn for the better (to be truly happy/fulfilling) once they find that special someone.  As a good friend of mine, JP, said to me as I shared my latest life plans with her, "Everything in life is so transient so it really just comes down to enjoying every moment and doing something that makes you happy and fills your life with meaning. Just b/c someone has a man and a career does not mean that is everlasting and etched in stone; we would like it to be, but you see the reality, engagements are broken, people die and get divorced.  Not fun, but happens.... So, it's good to focus on what makes you happy, b/c in the end your joy is like a lighthouse that will guide your soulmate to you."

So smart that friend is, & well, I have personally decided to do just that.  I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure that I am 100% complete and happy as SM & as for all the things that by most standards are "missing" right now like an appropriate job/career, a suitable husband, 2 kids & a house, if & when that all happens, that's great, but for the first time in a long time, I'm just not bothered about any of it.  This feeling is actually overwhelming because knowing that I am not my circumstances (what I do or do not have), & that happiness comes from within not from without no longer allows me to make any excuses or rationalizations about my life.  As for what's next for me??  Well, I've basically decided to throw caution to the wind (& am perhaps being a bit reckless - maybe even crazy - with my intentions) and follow my heart.  I promise to fill you in on my plans (which I'd like to again thank everyone who's been helping me make them happen) shortly!

Thanks always for reading & write soon,

Smile Moon :)

* Quotes Corner *

"Dream as if you'll live forever.  Live as if you'll die today."  - James Dean

"I'm less interested in why we're here.  I'm wholly devoted to while we're here." - Erika Harris

"Why must conversions come so late?  Why do people always apologize to corpses?" - David Brin

"Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live." - Margaret Fuller

"Most of us spend our lives as if we had another one in the bank." - Ben Irwin