New Year's Resolutions

Hi everyone, I know it's been a while.  I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays & that you are as excited as I am about 2010.  I generally get really excited about the New Year, but I have a particularly good feeling about this one.  As most years tend to, 2009 completely flew by, but it was a really good one.  I celebrated my 30th b-day (best birthday everrrr!), went to Costa Rica with some of my closest girlfriends, became friends with a great new group of people (more importantly, formed some of my closest friendships with a few amazing girls since post-college), became a Bikram Yoga junkie (for anyone who hasn't tried it, look up your local Bikram studio & the first-timers deal that they likely have; this is no over exaggeration, but Bikram not only permanently helped me improve my physique but changed my whole life. I swear I've even developed some Spidey-kills but that's a whole other story!  No, but seriously, Bikram - aka Hot Yoga - is not about strength, stamina, or flexibility - it's about intention (mental & physical) - going as far as you can in a posture, holding it & reaping all the beautiful benefits), I got bangs (this was a big deal for me & I have no idea how me & my big forehead lived w/out them for 30 years! :-P), recently got laid off (no, I'm not embarrassed & yes this is where I'm choosing to let the general public know b/c I think this is a blessing in disguise & I'm hopeful that this will mean a new, better & more fulfilling opportunity in the near future) & overall, it was THE year when I felt like I had completely come into my own & knew that I was headed in the right direction.

Now, I'm hoping that 2010 is the year that I keep moving in that direction & in some aspects of my life actually get to where I'm trying to go.  & yes, that does mean on the relationship-front; this is a dating blog & unlike so many people who want that more than anything but think it's embarrassing or weird to say it out loud, I have no problem saying that's what I want.  A few may perceive it as desperate, but I would hope that most people who introspect on their own lives (whether they are single or not) or the lives of others would take it as me just being honest.  For quite a few years now, being in a serious relationship that would move in the jeevan saathi (life partner) direction has been something I'd hoped for, but I don't think it was until the latter part of this past year that I became fully ready for it due to the now complete understanding of who I am & what I am looking for in that partner.

I had some fleeting experiences in '09 on the dating-&-being-interested-in /liked-by guys-front that really taught me quite a bit & helped me make some of my New Year's resolutions.. Some of the below I've believed in or have been doing for a long time time, but I have definitely gotten distracted from a few along the way.  They are as follows (note to self SmileMoon, print these out & hang them up somewhere b/c now that you're posting them here, there will be an accountability issue come the end of the year... :-P ):

• Trust your gut instinct.  When it (it being a job, relationship, friendship, choice of outfit, etc.) feels wrong, it IS wrong.  There is nothing more powerful or accurate than our inner voice that often whispers - sometimes SCREAMS - at us saying "Nooooo, run awaaaay, get out while you caaaan!" or on the flip side "Ah, this is just right."  Listen to that voice. 
• Be your true authentic self.  Don't ever pretend to be someone you are not or be interested in something that you aren't (for example, in my case, all sports movies, yes, real live sports, not so much) for the sake of impressing someone else.  I have to say that this was the beauty of this past year... SmileMoon of a long long time ago (5-21) was fearless, bold & did what she wanted (not in a reckless or arrogant way, but in a simply & subtly confident way)...  She got up in front of her freshman class @ BU & told them she was running for president & then was for all of undergrad.  She was never far from her passion & was nothing short of a dancing/performing machine.  She spoke her mind without a care in the world of being judged or scrutinized.  21-29 were all fine years, but that person was definitely repressed & now she is back - finally, comfortable in her own skin (& with her quirky self) again & most importantly, comfortable in her voice.  She knows what drives her, what kind of people she wants to keep as company & where she wants to go in life.  I have to say there is almost nothing better than having that feeling.
• Take care of numero uno - yourself.  From Bikram yoga to manis-pedis, facials & treating myself to some of the finer things & experiences in life, I am finally living my life with a "take care of ME & live life to the fullest NOW" attitude.  I really believe in that expression that goes something like "you can't care for others if you can't care for yourself" & that when we sit on our hands waiting to be taken care of by someone else, we project an unattractive energy that actually pushes that potential someone away.   I also believe that caring for one's self means everything from your physical, emotional, mental & spiritual well-being.  2009 was the year of more for me... more... moving & challenging myself physically, reading/listening to books about wellness (every kind of wellness) & spirituality, investing in things that make me happy & actually using them (there was a part of me that definitely used to be that person that would save the nice things for a "special occasion," but this past year made me believe that every day is special & since we never know which day will be our last, we might as well enjoy & live each day to the fullest), & most importantly, gratitude.  That is definitely a big resolution for this year - sure, when I talk to friends or write in my blog, I'll talk about certain elements of my life that are "missing," but I am going to try to be fully focused on all the good in my life (knock on wood) & live my life from a place of abundance & gratitude (yes, I'm pretty sure I got that from "The Secret").  That book is brilliant b/c it doesn't say something we all don't already know & I have seen it in my own life & others - that people who live their lives this way attract more positive things. 
• Remember, that when it's the right guy & fit for you, there will be no questions, everything else other than that is (pay attention SmileMoon)... "He's just not that into you."  If only everyone - guys & girls alike (but more the ladies on this one!) - understood this concept, there would be a tremendous amount of brain & emotional energy that would be saved that could be put to better use.  We often delude ourselves into thinking that we can make someone like us or that they simply should b/c shoot, we are just so darned fabulous! :-P   Things that we should all remember are that a flirtation that never graduates to more is just a flirtation (or momentary - sometimes long-term - time pass) & not a potential real something... Ladies, you will not have to make sure he sees you more often (sometimes in a sexier outfit or with make-up), flirt more, call/text him, or ANYTHING, b/c when he's interested, he will not need any kind of nudge.  He will come a running... often sprinting.   Fellas, if a girl isn't sending you very loud & clear signals that she's interested in you, it doesn't matter how nice, sweet, doting, thoughtful or generous you are because she, too, is just not that into you.   Remember, we all want to be someone's choice & not just an option, way to pass time, fill a void or anything of the sort.  At the end of the day, it's a blech-tasting pill to swallow, but an important one; in those moments where I forget the "just not that into you" policy, when I come to this realization & get some much-needed clarity on a situation, I thank God for "putting me out of my misery."  Wondering whether someone likes you or not is a real... you know. 
• Live your life in black & white.  I think this partly ties into the last point & I have to give myself a big pat on the back, b/c I would say that I live my life this way 99.44% of the time (why 99.44%?  Because it was from that Ivory commercial way back in the day & woah nelly, talk about effective marketing, b/c that stuck for life!).  I know everyone knows what this means (actually, I think everyone knows everything that I'm saying here & that friends/"self-improvement/help" books tell us but we lose sight of it), but this a blog & I get to tell you about my "I don't do gray" (said with a whole lot of att-i-tude) life policy.  There is nothing more torturous than living in gray... Gray is that space where there's a lot of wondering & trying to figure something out going on.  Gray is when you break-up with someone & afterwards you're still friends (in my book, this is not possible.  Facebook, maybe but totally unproductive b/c than you live more in gray as your FB-stalk your ex & in real life, absolutely not.), friends with benefits, or my favorite stupid life-waste move ever (that I have honestly never done) is breaking up with someone & then getting back together... breaking up & getting back together... & again & freaking again.  To me, when a relationship ends the FIRST time, there was a reason & that reason will not go away, get better or whatever else people convince themselves of.  Gray is wishy-washy, wimpy & in my opinion, just lame because gray means indecision & the complete opposite of being proactive.  On that note, go back to the first point & when your gut is telling you that the relationship your in is not meeting your needs, never going to get to the point you want it to or is in perpetual limbo (I'm sorry, but I don't understand people 30+ "not knowing" after a few solid months - 6 max in my book) & is just unfulfilling overall, get out of gray, & snip-snip that relationship with a quickness. & then don't sulk & say "I just got out of something," think, say & act "Thank youuu. Have a nice day.  NEXT!"
• The biggest resolution for me will be to stop being so darned nice; this is not a self-compliment - it's a curse actually & a really big character flaw b/c I feel bad or guilty over everything that most normal people wouldn't think about twice.  I'm so hyper-aware of everyone's feelings & not hurting them that I'm that person who often wastes time talking to someone when we're out just because I'm cornered & I don't want to be rude or worse, b!tchy, by making a quick exit.  When I think of all the people I've humored in pointless (more than "Nice to meet you") conversations that I'm not remotely interested in, it saddens me to think of so many of my life's precious minutes wasted that could have been better spent with people I do care about or just as okay, by myself.  I know I will get hated on for this, but I've even given people my # that I don't care to talk to (I know, I know, that is awful) simply because they asked & I didn't know what to say (b/c I "felt bad") & as a result, my niceness has confused many a really nice guy into thinking that I'm interested.  I know, it's rude, but I swear that it's not a conscious thing that I do with any ill intention, but at the end of the day, someone was still lead on (been on the receiving end of that) & that sucks.  In 2010, I resolve to be more like many of my girlfriends who in less than 10 seconds flat can (still politely) get out of any conversation or situation they don't want to be in, who tell a guy asking for their # that they aren't interested in something like "hey, if you want to hang out as friends, that's great, but...," who let the d-bag skeevy guy know that he is one, or who won't respond to guys who want to be in e-relationships with them (this means where all communication happens via text, gchat or e-mail).  One girlfriend told me that when a guy keeps texting her she'll ask him "Are you a text person?"  He'll say no "I'm a phone person."  Friend:  "Alright.........?" & then she won't respond until said-guy catches a clue & calls.  & if he never does, no big loss there.  I'm not saying I've never snip-snipped something I was in when I knew it needed to end or wouldn't go anywhere, but for the most part I have such a hard time even saying all that - so much that I end up delivering the message in the most awkward way possible.  Yep, 2010 is the year of not-being-so-nice (which does not mean being b!tchy but I think just more straight forward & less hyper-conscious of everyone's feelings at the sake of sacrificing my own ) & I'm soooo looking forward to it.  To my girlfriends, you've noticed it & we've discussed it, so I will need you to please help me with this, because this has been a life-long problem that will take lots of practice & coaching (maybe yelling at) to undo.

Well, that's all for me for now.  Now that I'm on fun-employment, you'll likely be hearing from me more often.  :-P

Wishing everyone a wonderful 2010 & hoping that it brings all the best & lots of love, health & happiness ~ SmileMoon :)

p.s. - On a side note (& this is in honor of a friend of mine who came up with it), an underlying theme/resolution for me in 2010 will also be to "WDO" which stands for "Workout. Dress Better." No, this is not for the sake of attention from the opposite sex, but I think nothing makes a person (at least I know this is definitely the case for me personally) feel better about themselves than being healthy, improving their physique/fitness levels & having their outward exterior be a true reflection of their inner self.  We all know that when we are comfortable in our skin, in possibly better shape than we were & we're wearing a fabulous outfit, we feel good & project a completely different energy.  Therefore, as a result of WDO-ing & the natural positive energy you project, if you catch the attention of more people, there is nothing wrong with that.  Anyone who is rolling their eyes at the thought of the superficiality of WDO, remember that just like you want to be attracted to someone, the opposite sex feels the same way.  & whether it is right or wrong, your outward appearance is the first thing that people see & make a judgment about you on, so why not have it be the best that you can make it...?