I'm also seemingly much more attractive, entertaining, & overall appealing to people at large. From Uncles/Aunties, kids, family friends, strangers & guys, in India, I have an effect on people that I definitely do not have stateside. At first meeting here, it's a big SM-gush-fest & people can't get enough of me, & I'm not going to lie that it's quite the temporary ego-boost - another something I definitely don't get while in the US.
For example, I visited my cousin out in Bangalore at the start of my trip & we went to dinner with some of her friends, 2 of whom were guys. They were so complimentary (& me being a sucker for flattery I ate it up) about everything-me from how I looked to how I acted (per them... sweet, cute, "bahauth achi" - very good) that over saag paneer one guy literally said (in Hindi, so the charm factor for me is far more than if the same thing was said in English) "if I didn't have a girlfriend, I would ask for your hand in marriage." I said back in Hindi while giggling like a lil' school girl, "if you didn't have a girlfriend, I'd say "yes."' Sure, being that he had a girlfriend the whole convo was totally inappropriate but I blew it off to being in the motherland. When it was time to go, I hugged the non-marriage proposal guy goodbye first (as I normally hug almost everyone I meet goodbye if not when I first meet them if it's through someone I know), & woah nelly, he almost died (not in a bad way). I was so surprised by his reaction (uhh... apparently, you don't full-frontal-hug-at-random in the motherland) that I didn't hug marriage-proposal friend, & the poor thing has been telling my cousin how bummed he was by it for the past 2 weeks. Too funny & too cute.
After all the love and attention these past few weeks, my still-not-understood-by-me SM-appeal factor here, & seeing where all my other relatives are at my age or much younger (whether they be my cousins or nieces), I can't help but feel how I felt in my "Sometimes I wish I was in the Motherland" post way back in September of last year. I always feel like me just being me is enough here & I can't help but believe that had I been in the motherland, I would never have been 30 & still single and free to mingle. Where my family is from in India - small cities that are pretty much the opposite of big metro areas like Mumbai, Delhi & Bangalore - life is pretty simple & 95% of everyone who is married is living in a joint-family-type situation. It's so odd, but the same things that I'd find completely unappealing in the US (i.e.. - living in a joint family, having my life revolve 100% around essentially the service of my husband, in-laws & kids, wearing sindoor & a mangal sutra, etc.), I find uber-appealing here.
My biggest desire in life has never been to be uber-wealthy or be on the fast track in my career; that does not make me lazy, unambitious, seeking financial dependency on someone else or anything along those lines, but I just gage personal success for myself differently. More than anything else I want to have meaning in my life & bring meaning to the lives of others both of which I find through the people that touch my life or whose lives I touch. To me, my big dream tied into my big value is to have my own family one day, so I can't help but feel a little "complete family" (as many people call it here)-envy when I see where my mid-20's-to-mid-30's cousins/nephews/nieces are in life; sure, they are not living the balleriffic life by any means, but they are living good and meaningful lives by my standard. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the above to mean any unlove or lack-of-gratitude to my parents for coming to the US or for the life that I have there; it's just a thought that I can't help but having when I'm here.
Well, that's all from me for now. I hope things are going well with everyone & will write again soon.
~ SmileMoon :)
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That's great you are enjoying India! you make a good point about meaning in life. Love whether it is familial or romantic can add to that meaning. What is so meaningful about desperately hunting for men/women at bars like social and crimson? So pathetic. Some folks do this infinitely. I totally hear what you are saying. Just keep up that happy relaxed attitude and you'll be sure to charm your Prince. Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteThanks 9:18 for the positive vibes. The thought of coming back to weekends full of late night Social/Crimson outings horrified me & I was loving the motherland so much that I extended my trip here! I figure you only live once, so while I had the chance, I decided not to do the practical-for-life thing & instead do the all-about-ME-thing. So far, it's been amazing. :)
ReplyDeleteBeing in India, the environment, might not have everything to do with how you're feeling. When you went to Boston, did you feel the same as Chicago? I'm getting at the positive expectation and feelings people have when they're on vacation or in a new environment. It's palpable, think about the first days of summer or remember back to the start of a new school year.
ReplyDeleteI'll say it another way... take responsibility for your results in Chicago and give yourself the credit for India.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm missing something major here, please let me know, it just feels like the "situation" gets more blame / credit than it deserves.
hey rahul, i hear what you're saying about being on vacation, but when i went to boston earlier this year or go on vacation anywhere else i enjoy the people & the place tremendously, but i never get the feeling that i have when i'm in india. & i've had this feeling every time i've ever gone to india since i was little & including the last 3 times i went i wasn't in chicago. for me it's not that any one place is any better or worse than the other (or about credit/blame/results); i just feel an incredible amount of peace & naturalness here in india than i do anywhere else. & i definitely appreciate the desired timeliness of things like marriage & kids here as well as opposed to America as a whole.
ReplyDeleteBeyond that & what I wrote, I can't really explain how I feel here & I don't want to make it sound like I don't appreciate or enjoy my life in the US (b/c I do).
Hope things are going well & talk soon ~ SM
Move to India!
ReplyDeleteAs with all Anonymous postings & things said via e-communication in general, I'm not sure how "Move to India!" was meant, but I'll take it as a sincere & reasonable recommendation considering my post. Although I'm not sure how I'd actually fare with a permanent move to India, I'm definitely open to considering employment opportunities here & I'm just as open-minded to relationship opportunities here as well. However, on both fronts, I came to this open-mindedness relatively late in my trip, so I will unlikely be able to pursue either full force, but I'm still going to put my feelers out there nonetheless - especially on the job front.
ReplyDeleteOn that note, I encourage everyone to expand their horizons when it comes to all aspects of their lives. Whether it be due to our family, community/society or self-imposed expectations, too many of us travel down or stay on paths that are not personally fulfilling to us or that ultimately do not get us the results that we want; i.e. - only considering a very specific "type" of relationship prospect (doctor, north-indian only, etc.) while not being open to other possibilities (any kind of Indian, non-desi, atypical profession, etc.).
I'm not saying to be reckless in your pursuis, but simply to be more open-minded to new prospects & possibilities.
Hope everyone is doing well & write soon ~ SM :)
I'm sure the dude was just kidding around with you. Indian guys think American girls are all "fast," even though the girls in India have sped up quite a bit, recently. So the marriage "joke," which would have been a very awkward one if an ABCD had made it (or if an Indian dude made it to an Indian girl), worked fine for him with you in Bangalore. Of course, you confirmed their suspicions with your exuberant hug :-)
ReplyDeleteSM here in response to Anon 1:02... Although I have zero bubble to be burst over that brief interaction, I imagine that the "it was a joke" clarification was meant to do just that. Thank you, but I was very aware that it was just a joke. As far as I saw & my relatives tell me, Indian guys are very direct/forward with Indian girls here (writing hindi love poetry, dedicating sons at functions, etc.) & the whole "chase" is completely in their hands. People aren't as reserved here with their feelings as they are in the US. & personally, if an ABCD guy made that same joke to me - depending on how endearing/non-skeevy he was - I would find it just as cute.
ReplyDeleteLastly, considering that these were decent, sweet people I doubt that they had any suspicions of me that I then confirmed with my standard-SM-hug (which is far from exhuberant).
best of luck in India. Dating isnt for everyone you know? Before you know it, you can me married in a couple of days!
ReplyDeleteHave fun in India. Don't listen to all this sarcastic nonsense. When you come back to the city, you will see that the same 100 people are still single and still going to the same places and doing the same things over, and over and over again. You are not missing out on anything. Enjoy yourself and ignore the negative talk.
ReplyDelete