What's our ISSUE...???

I mean issues & oh wow, where to begin...?   & here's my disclaimer of the day... depending on which issue I'm talking about - either due to my personal nature or a particular circumstance (being female, part of this generation, etc.) - I am likely plagued by it.  I'm sure we could collectively come up with a million reasons why our generation is struggling (I think that even the with-boyf/girlf/fiance/spouse individuals who read this would agree that there is a problem going on here), but I'm just going to start with a few that come to my mind when comparing things to the good ol' "back in the day" times...

Back in the day (I'm talking about the American day & not our desi parents' mostly-arranged-marriage-&-with-dowry-day), there were a lot of things going on that were in their favor at least when it came to finding the now-ever-elusive "one."  Here's my take on some of those things (that as you'll see have ZERO to be with being South Asian & everything to do with being a part of our generation)...

• Lives were simpler & therefore expectations more realistic - women & men had certain roles that they filled & the goal in life was to partner up, settle down & raise a family.  Men were looking for someone who would make a good wife, mother & manage the household while women looked for men who be good husbands, fathers & provide their families with security.   That was the American Dream. I know people wanted more for themselves than that, but now I fear that we all want waaay too much.  I'm all for feminism, modernization, equality & such, but with equality, technology (those who watch Sex in the City know what I mean), & intimate relationships happening outside of marriage, I think people (men especially) end up having very little incentive to get married.  Before, men knew that they were bringing a lot to the table & supplementing the partnership & that made them feel pretty darned great about themselves.  However, now I think many men are naturally a bit emasculated because women don't need all those things anymore; sure, women still want the partnership, security & emotional connection that comes with being married, but for men, to be all of that to a woman for the rest of their lives is a whole lot of pressure & something they might not be ready/capable of doing.

• People were not so overly stimulated... Our generation has had an obscene amount of things to entertain us from cable television, video games & gadgets, to countless activities & every humanity-ruining show on MTV (i.e. - Flavor of Love/Brett Michael's Rock Of Love 1, 2 & 3 or my new mind-kill-favorite, Tool Academy... my god, kill me now, but I'm not going to lie - I've watched episodes of all of them! :-/).  I believe that we are so used to constantly being entertained/stimulated in some way, that we often end up getting very bored easily of life & the people in it - meaning we'll date someone, get so super excited by them, but then that feeling doesn't sustain.  Another problem with over-stimulation that has been the biggest disservice to 95% of the women in the world (& as a result, all relationships) who do NOT look like this is that all these reality shows (which I think we all agree show all people who are far from real), celebrities, magazines, porn on demand (aka Skin-e-max), TV/movies & every other medium that had made most men idealize women like Megan Fox & Jessica Alba.  Even our desi films have become soft porn-ish; female stars from the good ol' black & white movie days who used to have curves & wore sarees are now super thin bikini-wearing stripper-type dancers who partake in make-out scenes.  Physical expectations are at an all-time absurd high (I say absurd b/c its many of the anti-Brad Pitt/Jon Abraham guys who have them) - anything less than a perfectly symmetrical face, flat abs, perky & sizable bust, cellulite/stretch-mark/imperfection-free everything & toned body that specifically makes the other guys green with envy is not acceptable
• Back in the day, gorgeous women that American men publicly idealized (like Marilyn Monroe - even though she was racy in her time, Grace Kelly & Audrey Hepburn) left things to the imagination by wearing clothes that did not show every part of their body that really should only be for the eyes of (I personally believe) someone you're in intimate relationship with.  ** Side note on this, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that we should dress in turtlenecks & slacks, b/c I don't; you'll mostly catch me in dresses (sometimes short ones) & like most females my age (& depending on the occasion), I like to show some skin from time-to-time.  However, for the most part, I think it's appropriate skin.  Here is where a few of you (especially the ones who know me) will just die at my being so conservative b/c you know me as the blog-writing, speak-her-mind, have a grand ol' time wherever she goes SmileMoon... Okay, so the thing is that even when I might've (& this is a big huge might have) had a bikini body, I never felt comfortable wearing one b/c I could not & still don't for the life of me (& no hateration to my friends or any girls who wear them) understand why anyone would want to... no, but seriously, how is wearing a bikini any different than wearing your underwear?  & if it's not okay for me to parade around in my bra & panties in public (or in front of any male relative of mine or guy that I am not not dating) why is it okay to wear bikinis...?   Anywho, I digress & sorry for the random SmileMoon tangent! :-P  

• People were more conservative & reserved & as a result, relationships had some mystery/ anticipation to them.  I know this was something that changed as the times & culture changed but it definitely changed for the worse.  Back then, people were in committed relationships that resulted in marriage or most even married before they did half the things that people in our generation start doing long before that (errr.... if you have younger cousins, siblings or people you care about, talk to them frankly about all that stuff & I'm going to have a whole blog post dedicated to parents, but if you're one now or are going to be one, when Raju/Bittu/Gudia grow up, don't be naive & just assume - as most desi folk do & our parents did - that b/c they are a "good kid" who does well in school that they are not involved in everything that their American counterparts are involved in from relationships, smoking, drugs, & all kinds of other peer/internal pressures; I didn't get into the latter items but in spite of my being an honor-roll-never-got-in-any-trouble-student, I definitely liked boys in high school & so did 99% of my friends).  I think I can sum up this bullet point with the response that Vijay Uncle gave to a girl at NetIP who said "Uncle, the problem is that guys nowadays don't want to commit" to which he without blinking responded "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free??"  Enough said on that for now...

• People were not so hyper-connected..... as you already know, this is one of my biggest pet peeves.  Back in the day (& omg, even back in my day of when we only had landlines & the invention of the beeper was life-changing), people actually had to meet up or if nothing else at least pick up the PHONE to connect to each other.  Now, from e-mail, IM, BBM-ing, texting, Facebook, every other online "networking" site & more, we are all so uber-connected but in - what I think - is the most empty & unrewarding way possible - via bing, ping & status posts.  Nothing feels special anymore b/c hardly anyone actually calls & "connection" happens via a few written words that the recipient is left to analyze & interpret intent.  I personally think that most guys have taken remarkable advantage of no longer having to actually talk to the girls they are interested in...  these modes of pseudo-communication have emboldened them with more wit, humor & sass than they might ever have in person, they can communicate with more than one girl at once (in an effort to keep their options open) & they are perpetually stringing girls along with a random text or some kind of message here or there (it's this whole "I don't like you enough to be with you; however, I still want your attention & would like to string you along for as long as I can" mentality).  It's kind of funny, but my girlfriends & I have said things like the following to each other more times that I can count... "He facebook'd me (I love how Facebook is both a networking site & a verb :-P)... He texted me 3 days ago, but I haven't heard from him since... etc."  Analyzing what guys mean in their e-communication or lack thereof adds to the already so-confusing feat of having to understand them in real life.  Ugh.

• People weren't so lazy.  I'm not saying we're all lazy, but for the most part, our generation has grown up wanting to reap (the usually instant) rewards with little to no effort.  We're far more willing to put in the effort into our education & professional success (& we spend so much of our lives doing just that), but when it comes to relationships, most of us are completely clueless; we think things are going to feel good always b/c they felt good in the beginning.... we think far more about I/me more than we think about we/us... & we don't understand that good, healthy, long-lasting relationships take a whole lot of effort, putting the other person's needs above your own & just plain old WORK.  We all expect this "oh wow, knock my socks off" connection with someone & won't settle for anything less than that; a lot of people get so swept up in that "in love" feeling, how "hot" someone is or how "amaaazing" some part of their chemistry is, but either before marriage (hopefully) or several years after, they realize that (most often when real life - kids, stretch marks, male pattern baldness, health/financial problems, etc. - sets in) they actually have nothing in common & go their separate ways.   Sorry, that has nothing to do with being lazy; that has to do with all of the above which can be summarized into our values are so jacked up (way more on that in later blogs).

I'd like to think that my values aren't jacked up, but that I was naive thinking that when I was ready to "settle down" that it would be easy schmeezy.... Also, I had a few less-than-stellar-character guys waste my time here or there & on top of that, I ignored my gut instincts (which have always been right) & spent time in a few relationships that probably shouldn't have ever started, &if nothing else, definitely shouldn't have lasted as long as they did.

Well, I think that's the big momma of all my posts so far. I know it was a bit disjointed & I'm sorry about that; I also know that I must sound like someone who wants to go jump into a DeLorean time machine (sorry, I heart Back to the Future! :-P) & send myself back to another time period... I can't say I've never wished that I was raised in a different generation where things were just simpler or more than wishing I was some where else, just that our generation didn't make things so convoluted.  However, I'm also someone who is completely hopeful that I am going to meet & end up with someone who values the same things as me without ever having to worry about inventing a flux capacitor!  (Mom & Dad, SmileMoon knows what she wants for Christmas - the Back to the Future trilogy!  :-P)

Ok, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.  Thanks for reading & talk soon ~ SmileMoon

p.s. - Upcoming blog posts in the next few weeks... Deal Breakers... Leagues (Who's In?  Who's Out?  Do they exist?) - this was slightly touched on in this posting... the Elusive "Spark" & how important is it?  &... Made to Order Brides from the Motherland.